Apprehension
by SkittlezLvr79
Summary: Trish gets news about her new angle and she’s apprehensive about it. But why? Is it for the reasons she claims or is there more to it?
1. The Bombshell

_Story Title: Apprehension_

_Author: Tammi aka SkittlezLvr79  
Spoilers: Mentions past Jeff/Trish TV interaction  
Category: Wrestling/Het_

_Pairing: Trish Stratus and Jeff Hardy. Other wrestlers make cameo appearances  
Rating: M, just be on the safe side  
Summary: Trish gets news about her new angle and she's apprehensive about it. But why? Is it for the reasons she claims or is there more to it?  
Warnings: Mentions of past drug use  
Disclaimer: No infringement is intended and I don't own the people used in this work of fiction. They belong to themselves. The company and their respective onscreen persona's belong to Vince McMahon._

Trish Stratus came out of the office and leaned wearily against the wall for support. People milled about around her, preparing for the show but she didn't see or hear any of them. The bombshell that Vince had dropped on her had sent her reeling toward shock. She wanted to forget what he had said or pretend that meeting had never taken place but she couldn't.

Her mind wouldn't allow her to.

Her boss's words replayed over in her head, taunting her.

_"Jeff Hardy's coming back at Summerslam." Vince smiled, obviously proud of himself for stealing his former employee away from TNA. "We're going to resume the angle you two had started before his departure…"_

_She wasn't able to respond verbally because her voice had been robbed from her throat. All she could do was gape at her boss in complete shock. Summerslam was only four weeks away. That meant that her angle, and more importantly her life, would be altered as of tonight. _

_He sat back in his chair, a smug, pleased smirk on his pugnacious face. "We're going to make this as dramatic as possible, for the benefit of the fans of course. After your matches, starting tonight, a message will appear on the titantron; I'm coming for you Trish." Vince's eyes sparkled in delight. "To the audience, it'll seem ominous, like someone threatening you but then when they see who the sender is, they'll go crazy." _

"Trish! Trish!"

The sound of her name brought her out of her flashback and she turned her head, meeting the concerned eyes of Amy Dumas. "Huh?"

"Are you all right?"

"I-I don't know." She conceded weakly, shaking her head to try and clear her mind but it didn't work. A frustrated sigh slipped over her lips and she closed her eyes, feeling the turmoil swelling inside of her. "I just don't know."

Amy frowned and guided her over to a trunk, pushing the smaller woman into a sitting position on top of it. She sat next to the dazed blonde, scowling. "What did Vince want to meet with you about?"

"My new angle…"

"It's not a romance with Randy Orton right?" The redhead rolled her eyes, "Because that's not an angle, that's a punishment."

"No, not that."

"Do you have to job to Candice Michelle?"

"No."

"Did Vince and Stephanie go along with Mickie's idea of having you two develop amnesia and think that you're each other for real?"

"No."

Amy sighed in exasperation, growing tired of trying to guess. "What is it then?"

"Jeff."

"What?" The redhead asked quietly, hoping that her friend was talking about another Jeff and not the one who immediately sprang to mind.

"Jeff's coming back. To Raw." Trish informed her, her tone hovering between disbelief and apprehension. "They're going to pick up our angle where they left off."

"Wow." Amy leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. This piece of news made her feel conflicted. Jeff and her had been the best of friends at one time but once everyone found out about the whole Adam debacle, he had severed that friendship completely. Seeing him again would definitely be hard but on the business side of it, there were worse angles to be put into. "That's a good thing right? You two know each other, know how you work and had insane chemistry."

"I guess that's true but I'm wondering why he's coming back."

"Well, he wouldn't come back if he didn't want to…"

Trish turned to her friend and shook her head. "I'm not sure that I want to work with him again."

The redhead sat up, quirking an eyebrow at the blonde. "Why not? You two were friends…"

"And he just disappeared. No warning, no goodbye." The blonde reminded her, "I found out about his firing on the Internet, just like the fans. Did he bother to call me after and try to explain? No, he didn't."

"So you're worried that he'll do it again."

"Don't get me wrong, Jeff's a good guy." Trish sighed, "But he gets bored easily and flakes out on things. Last time that happened, I paid the price for it. I just don't want to go through that again."

"I can understand that." Amy pushed a hand through her hair. "But it's not like you have a choice. Vince and Stephanie already have this angle planned. They won't change it just because you're apprehensive about working with Jeff."

"I know."

"So, what are you going to do?"

Trish thought about that then shrugged, knowing her options were extremely limited.

If she called Jeff and felt him out to see if he was really invested in working for the company again, it would backfire. He'd get mad that she was questioning his commitment or worse yet, accuse her of not thinking he could handle the pressure. There was no need to start out an angle with any more tension between them when she was pretty sure there would be already.

If she took her concerns to Vince or Stephanie then she would be jobbing to the likes of Candice Michelle, Torrie Wilson and Maria for months as her punishment. Neither one of them took too kindly to having their brilliant ideas be questioned by their lowly employees. No reason to do any unneeded damage to her career by angering them.

"Matt." Amy said suddenly, ripping her from her thoughts.

"What? Where?" Trish asked in confusion, looking around the hallway.

"I didn't mean that he was here." The redhead heaved a sighed. "I meant that if you want to find out if Jeff's really ready for this then your best bet would be to ask him."

"I don't know." The blonde replied slowly, not liking the idea of calling the older Hardy brother and asking him to give his opinion on his younger brother's mental state. "If I called him, it might come out wrong."

"Well, we're off tomorrow and Smackdown's only down in Providence. That's what? An hour away from here?" The shorter woman nodded and she rolled her eyes, "Then why not go visit Matt. That way, you can explain your fears to him and get his perspective in person."

Trish frowned, "I'm not sure. What if he told Jeff?"

"So what if he did? At least he'd be prepared for some tension. And who knows, maybe he'd call you and try to work it out sooner rather than wait for the inevitable blow up."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not like Jeff won't pick up on the fact that you're not exactly thrilled to be working with him once he starts back. At first, he'll shrug it off but it'll get to him after a while and he'll confront you on it." Amy informed her flatly, "Do you really want you and Jeff to be at each other's throats while you're working together?"

The blonde sighed, "No."

"Then your best bet is to pay Matt a visit and settle this now."

Trish was about to respond when a stagehand let her know that it was time for her match. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment then nodded at Amy. The redhead gave her a tenuous smile as she hopped down from the trunk then walked away.


	2. And so it begins

That night, Trish's match had been a disaster from the moment she made her way down to the ring. Her entrance lacked its usual flare and energy because she couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it like she normally had. As she was walking up the steps to the ring, she tripped and banged her shins against the metal, bruising them badly. She should've have taken that as a sign, ran back up the ramp and hid out in the back until the show was over but she didn't. Instead she pulled herself up and forced herself to step into the squared circle.

It only got worse.

Mickie blew countless spots and they had to try to improvise. But Trish couldn't keep her mind on what they were doing because it kept wandering to what she had found out so the improvising didn't work. The match had been sloppy and the fans had been all over the two diva's, chanting 'you fucked up' numerous times throughout the seven minute travesty they were being subjected to.

There was a sick irony to the fact that the only part of the match that had turned out the way it was supposed to was the ending or more specifically, when the note came up on the titantron. Once she saw it up there, her mouth had dropped open and her eyes had widened significantly. It was handwritten so it would look authentic, like someone was actually coming for her, but the part that completely rocked her world was the fact that it wasn't in just anyone's writing.

It was Jeff's own handwriting.

She'd recognize his crazily scrawled, hardly illegible writing anywhere because she had seen it enough the two times they had worked together in the past. If they had been interrupting in planning their segments together, he'd leave her a note to meet up with him at the hotel to pick up where they left off or he'd write down the ideas he had for it that they hadn't gotten to discuss and leave it for her.

The note being written by him meant that not only did he know he'd be working with her, but once again he didn't have the courtesy to call and break the news to her himself.

Déjà vu was laughing at her back. She closed her eyes and leaned back on the bench, sighing heavily as she brought her fingers up to her temples and began to rub them. This was just perfect, really fucking perfect. Her night from hell was being topped off with a headache. She couldn't help but groan and wonder what would come next. Maybe she'd trip on her way out and be run over by Paul and Stephanie's bus and be severely injured.

A small, mirthless chuckle bubbled over her lips. She wasn't that lucky. It was painfully obvious that fate had it in for her but not in a life or career ending way. The bus would probably miss her and hit a puddle instead, covering her head to toe in mud. That way, she'd not only be the laughing stock of the locker room but she'd still be able to work her angle with Jeff.

The door to the locker room opened loudly, wrenching her from her musing. She opened her eyes and looked over to see who had interrupted her thoughts. It was Ashley Massaro, her friend and fellow diva. She tried to force a smile to her face for the other woman's behalf but it turned out wobbly before collapsing completely. She sighed heavily and could only offer a lame greeting, "Hey."

"You ok?" Ashley frowned, not used to seeing her usually bubbly friend so down. The shorter blonde shrugged then heaved another sigh so she sat down next to her, concern etched onto her face. "What is it? Did something happen?"

"You didn't see my match tonight?"

"Come on Trish, you know that you can talk to me. I mean, yeah you're a perfectionist and take your job seriously but I can tell that there's more eating at you than just that match." She scooted closer to her friend and wrapped a consoling arm around her shoulders. "Does your less than happy disposition have anything to do with that note that came up at the end of the segment?"

The former woman's champion nodded bitterly, expelling a loud but ragged breath from her lungs. She opened her mouth to explain the situation but thought better of it once she remembered that Ashley was dating Matt. She didn't want to put her friend in the middle of anything that could cause potential damage to her relationship with the elder Hardy.

"Obviously, it's a new angle and you just found out or you would have told me about it before it started. But why are you so down?" Ashley inquired, "Is it going to be with someone you're not comfortable working with?"

"Something like that." Trish hoped that her younger friend wouldn't press her on the subject any further. But she knew better. After all, nothing else had gone right for her since she found out about Jeff's return and its impact on her. Deciding that it would be better to stop her friend before she continued down the path, she rolled her eyes and made herself smile. "You going to see Matt tomorrow?"

Ashley's gave her a look that said she wasn't fooled by the abrupt topic change but she ginned back, playing along. "Raw being here in Boston tonight while Smackdown is going to be in Providence? How could I pass up the opportunity to spend some quality time with my man?"

"I, um," Trish paused and drew in a deep breath, deciding to follow Amy's advice. "I think I'll go with you. If you don't mind, that is."

"Of course I don't but why do you want to go? I've never heard of you going to an SD show since I started…"

"Well, I haven't seen Matt or Shane in a while. Because of the whole Amy and Adam situation neither one of them ever come to the Raw shows anymore. Not that I blame them since there's still tension there but it's hard not seeing them on a regular basis. Plus it'll be good for me to catch up with some old friends and clear my head of this…stuff."

"That's a great idea!" The diva squealed and excitedly hugged her dour friend. "No one's better at getting me out of a bad mood than them. They're just so off the wall that you can't help but laugh at their antics and forget your issues."

"That's what I'm counting on." Trish mumbled evasively, knowing that if anyone could lay her fears about Jeff's return to rest that it was them. She pulled back and gave her friend the first genuine smile she had been able to manage since she found out. "Don't you have a match up next?"

"If you can call a tag-team pillow-fight with Maria, Candice and Lisa a match." Ashley huffed with a roll of her eyes.

"Well just wait until one of the writer's gets the genius idea to have another pudding or a gravy wrestling match." She giggled and shook her head, as she escorted her younger friend to the locker room door. "They make these pillow fights look like an Olympic competition or a world class main event."

The taller blonde's eyebrows rose, "Hopefully I'll just have to take your word on that."

"We can all dream-" Her mouth turned down into a frown as she heard Victoria's music blaring through the arena and made a shooing motion with her hand. "You're going to be late! Go!"

"Alright, I'll talk to you later." Ashley sprinted away, letting the door slam shut behind her.

Trish dropped back down on the bench and put her head in her hands. Tomorrow she'd either get the answer she wanted or start a chain of events that would make her life a living hell.

TBC?


	3. Road trip

Trish was quiet for the duration of the drive to Providence, trying to figure out the best way to ask Matt about his brother's return. She didn't want to come off as confrontational or worse, condescending because if she did, she wouldn't get an answer. Maybe the best way to approach the subject was to wait until Matt brought up his brother. Then she could slip in the fact that she knew about his return and that they'd be working together again.

"Hey, space cadet!" Her friend's boisterous voice cut into her thoughts and she turned her head toward her friend, staring blankly at her. The younger diva shook her head and gave her a smile. "You're so lost in whatever it is that you're thinking about that you failed to notice that the car is no longer moving."

"Huh?"

Ashley laughed, "We're here."

"Oh, right." Trish forced a chuckle then rolled her eyes. "Sorry, I zoned out on you. I just didn't-"

"Don't worry about it." The taller woman interrupted, "I know that you've got stuff on your mind but remember, the point of this trip is to try to forget. Right?"

"Yeah, sure." She nodded quickly, and pushed open the car door. Getting out of the car, she took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she was about to do. She grabbed her purse and shut the car door, pressing a half-hearted grin to her lips. "Lead the way."

Ashley linked her arm through hers and pulled her along with her. She waved to a few people that she obviously knew as they made their way through the backstage area. They came to a stop in front of a door and knocked.

"Everyone decent?" The diva search winner called out.

"Am I ever?" A voice that could only belong to Shane Helms cajoled back as the door was pulled open.

Matt embraced his chuckling girlfriend and Trish stepped off to the side, observing them. They were happy together and complimented each other well, you only had to be around them for five seconds to be able to see that but it was still a little weird to see him with someone other than Amy. She shook it off, plastering a phony smile on her face for their benefit, if they remembered that she was standing here that is.

Arms wrapped around her waist and she started in surprise, twisting in them then heaving a relieved breath. "Hey!"

"Hey Trish." Shane winked down at her and rolled his eyes, releasing her. "Figured it wasn't fair that Ashley received such a warm welcome but you were being ignored."

Matt drew back from his girlfriend and shot his friend a bemused smirk. "Don't lie. You were hoping that you'd be able to cop a feel." He rolled his eyes and focused on Trish, offering her a conspiratorial wink. "Talia's in California so he's been a lonely, lonely man."

She chuckled genuinely, easily falling into the old game. " But he's always a lonely man."

"It's sad, isn't it?" Ashley threw in with a giggle.

"Ok, I get it. I'm the butt of the joke, like always." Shane wrapped an arm around Trish's shoulders. "But if you don't want to be scarred for life by witnessing Matt and Ashley's touching reunion, then you might want to come inside with me now."

"Are you saying that we're overly demonstrative?" Matt inquired, both eyebrows raised and a grin clinging to his lips.

"Exactly." The former superhero huffed with a laugh as he led the petite blonde into the locker room. He dropped down on a bench and studied her with narrowed eyes. "So, what brings you to Smackdown?"

Trish licked her suddenly dry lips and shrugged, "Figured I'd come down and catch up with you guys."

"Uh-huh."

"What?" She asked hesitantly, wondering if he knew more about her visit than he was supposed to.

He rolled his eyes, a smirk clinging to his lips, "I don't blame you for wanting to defect to Smackdown. We're younger, better looking and don't have Paul using his marriage to the princess to hold people down."

She laughed heartily at that, relief washing over her as she sat down next to him. "I'm not defecting."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." He winked, nudging her playfully. "I'll act as surprised as everyone else when you run down during my match and interfere, getting me the victory."

"Planned that storyline much?" She teasingly elbowed him, her smile faltering for a moment as she thought about Jeff and the fact that Shane's imagined storyline would pretty much mirrored the one she was facing.

He observed her and sighed, "Why did you really come here?"

"I just had some things on my mind and thought that coming here would help." She admitted quietly, dropping her head into her hands.

"Like what?" Shane's tone reflected concern and he gently rubbed her back. She took a deep, shuddering breath and the pressure of his touch increased. "Come on Trish, you can talk to me."

"It's my new angle…" She stopped abruptly as the door to the locker room opened and the happy couple entered the room. Her lips turned up in a plastic smile in hopes that they wouldn't be able to feel the tension in the air. "What happened? Catcalls and whistles drive you inside?"

"Nooooo-" Ashley rolled her eyes, relinquishing her hold on her boyfriend, "Matt has a match to get ready for. They have him wrestling on Velocity! Can you believe it?"

"That's horrible." Trish lamented sincerely, giving him a consolatory pat on the arm. "Is it going to be for much longer or do they have a better angle for you coming up?"

"Ah, I'm in the doghouse…once again. Don't know why though my guess is that it mainly has to do with Johnny Ace hating me" Matt huffed disgustedly, "So who knows?"

"I'm sorry." She informed him earnestly and sighed, "Have you thought about asking to be placed on the Raw roster? I know that there's still bad blood between you and…"

"Feces." Shane interrupted her quickly and rolled his eyes as she gave him a confused look. "It's best his real name not be spoken aloud. It causes a long, curse filled diatribe that tends to give you a raging migraine."

"Ah, ok."

"I don't want to go back to Raw anyway." Matt threw in with a chuckle. "Shane's here, Shannon's here and soon Ashley will be here."

"What?" Trish asked in confusion, looking at her friend in surprise.

Ashley gave her a sheepish grin, "After Summerslam, they're moving me to Smackdown. Stephanie said that she feels like it's the best place for me until I've learned more in ring skills."

Trish nodded but said nothing. She knew that Stephanie was right and this was what was best for Ashley but she wasn't happy about it. Ever since Ashley had started on the road with Raw, the two diva's had become very close and the younger girl could make her laugh even when she didn't feel like it.

"Don't worry, we'll still keep in touch." The diva search winner stated as she hugged the petite blonde. "I mean, not only are you my mentor but you're my friend. I don't want to lose that."

"We won't." Trish sighed, returning the embrace. "I'm just not looking forward to watching another one of my friends jump brands."

"Ok ladies, we have matches to get ready for. Now I know that Ashley's seen Matt in all his glory but neither of you have witnessed the masterpiece that is Gregory Helms in the buff. So unless you want to be awed, I suggest that you two step outside for a few minutes."

"Awed?" Ashley cracked with a shake of her head, "From what I've heard, we'd die laughing."

Trish got up and smiled, as the diva's started walking out of the locker room. "I heard we'd pity him."

TBC?


	4. Dosage of Mattitude

_Author's Note: I know that Jeff and Trish's second "relationship" angle began in March of 2003 but I wrote it as if it started in December of 2002 to fit the plot and purpose of this fic. Sorry for any confusion that this maycause anyone!_

_--------------------------------------------------_

Trish chewed on her lower lip, deliberating mentally. She had Matt to herself momentarily with Shane being in the ring and Ashley in the bathroom. They were sitting in relative silence but it wasn't a bad silence. He was absorbed in the matches on the monitor but not so much so that he forgot she was there too. Every so often he'd look over and make some comment about them to her and she'd throw in a response or a laugh.

If there was such a thing as a perfect time to broach the subject of Jeff with him, it was now. But how could she start the conversation without it coming off wrong? The last thing she wanted was for Matt to get angry or defensive. But it was entirely possible that it would anyway considering the questions she had to ask him. She heaved a sigh and brought her fingers up to her temples, rubbing them in slow circles.

"You all right?"

Matt's voice broke her out of her trance and she looked at him quickly, frowning. He broke the silence and asked. This was going to have to be her opening. She nodded and sucked in a deep breath, preparing herself. "Sorry, my mind's just on what Vince told me…about my new angle."

"Is it bad?" There was a curiosity in his tone that belied the neutral expression on his face. But his curiosity wasn't based on the sense that he was interested in the angle. He was focused more on her reaction to it.

"No, it's just threw me off a bit." She tucked a lock of errant hair behind her ears and shrugged, hoping that she wasn't about to put her foot in her mouth. "I guess I figured that when or if Jeff was ever ready to come back, he'd go to whatever show you were on."

"So you do know." He nodded, as if confirming something he suspected. "Are you ok with it?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah," He chuckled lightly. "You've had this on your mind since you got here. Might as well unburden yourself."

She expelled a tremulous breath, brows knitting together in thought. How could she relate how she felt about the impending angle without having it come out worse than it was? "I don't know. I guess I'm a little worried after what happened last time Jeff and I worked together…"

"Can't blame you." He gave her a small smile, "Figured that was why you came down with Ash. So, what do you want to know?"

"Am I that transparent?"

"Trish-"

"Don't answer it." She cut him off with a wave of her hand and leaned forward in her seat, her eyes locking on his. "You're his brother and I understand that you two always have each other's back, no matter what. But you're only person who can tell me what I need to know."

"If I have the answers to your questions then I'll give them to you because if the situations were reversed, I'd expect the same."

"Was it his idea to come back to the WWE?"

"It was." Matt raked a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. "We were talking about the possibility of him coming back. I asked him if it was something he wanted to do and he said that this was something he **needed** to do. That he had to prove something, not only to himself but everyone who doubted him."

Trish digested that, relief coursing through her. If Jeff wasn't pushed into returning by his family and friends then he wouldn't be miserable being there. He wouldn't look like he was being tortured whenever they got together for a planning session and he'd actually participate more than he had before. "Why RAW? Was it his choice or did Vince just assign him?"

"He chose it but truthfully, going to Smackdown was never an option in his mind." He gave her a ghost of a smile, "He didn't want to get stuck in the cruiserweight division or be forced in a Team Extreme redo with Shannon and me. He feels he's already left his mark on the cruiserweight and tag-team scene and he's right about that."

She nodded, understanding his reasoning for the choice. "And he's fine with the storyline?"

"Oh yeah, I think he was relieved to be working with someone he knew rather than being thrust in with people he didn't."

"Well…good."

"He always said that he liked working with you and that you two had a good time."

Color stung her cheeks at that remark and she ducked her head, hoping that Matt didn't pick up on it. She rubbed her hands over her face, hoping to erase the crimson glow, and focused on the things she had found out thus far to ease the awkward feeling that had come over her at that last declaration. She almost wanted to end the conversation on that note and scurry away.

But she didn't. "Um, what about his girlfriend? I know that last time him and I worked together, she wasn't too happy about it."

"Any questions about her, you'll have to ask Jeff."

There was a finality to his tone that made it clear that that particular line of questioning was over. She didn't know if it was because he had never liked the woman to begin with, if it was something he didn't want to try and guess at or if the question made him angry. She was almost tempted to change the subject, almost. But she couldn't just leave it at that because there were still answers that she desperately needed.

She dragged in a breath and released it slowly, steeling herself. The next questions were harder to ask because it involved Matt having to delve into his brother's personal life. Which was obviously something he didn't like doing, judging from the previous question and his response, but she had no choice but press forward and ask anyway. "And his mind's going to be on the work? No more being late or no showing events?"

"I can't answer that because no one really knows that answer but Jeff."

"What about-" She trailed off, worried about talking about this with him. But she had no choice. This was something she needed to know, so she couldn't be afraid to ask. "What about his other issue?"

He took a deep breath and released it slowly, "Oh, well right now, it's a non-issue."

"I feel like that statement has a but to it."

"I guess it does." He shrugged helplessly, pinning her with an earnest gaze. "This is what it all boils down to. Is he resisting any temptation he has at this point in time? Yeah, he is. Will he always be able to? No one, not even Jeff, can give an answer to that."

"Ok." Trish was willing to accept that answer because she knew that it was an honest one and offered him a relaxed smile. "Thank you."

" No problem." Matt returned the expression but his grin had a tight look to it, like he was forcing himself to have the expression. He studied her for a moment longer then looked down at the floor. "Both brands have the weekend off with the Summerslam press conference and Stephanie going in to have the baby."

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to having a few more days than usual off." She admitted honestly, "Been too long since I've been home for more than a day when I haven't been injured."

"Well, um, I'm having a get together at my house. You know, the usual craziness." He licked his lips, tension etched into the lines of his face. "If it's nice outside, I'm going to barbeque."

She did know the craziness he referred to, all too well. A few years ago, during their Christmas break, she had gone with Amy to Cameron and witnessed the lunacy that was a party at the Hardy's house. The night had been like something out of a movie. Loud, surreal and completely wild to the point of it being dangerous. It lasted late into the early morning and even then it ending was a reluctant thing brought about by the police. After most of the people had left…she shook her head, not wanting her mind to continue on that path because it wouldn't help her deal with the current problem any better. It would only make it worse. "Sounds like a good time."

"You should come down with Ash." He pinned her with a serious look and she knew that she felt her posture tense with sudden intuition as to where he was going with this. She opened her mouth to politely decline but he cut her off before the words could escape her parted lips, "Jeff will be there and I think it'll be better for the both of you if you two talk before you start your angle. Plus, we both know that you won't be completely satisfied with anything I say until you hear it all from him."

"That's not true-"

Matt groaned, rolling his eyes. "Please, we both know that you were going to get Shane's perspective on this the second I left for my match."

"You're right." Trish agreed reluctantly with a heavy sigh, "I was going to ask Shane what he thought but that doesn't mean that I don't believe what you told me. I do. I'm just…" She trailed off with a shrug.

"Well, there's only one way to know for sure. Come to the party and find out from Jeff for yourself."

She swallowed thickly, "I'll think about it."

TBC…


	5. Memories

_Author's Note: I really want to thank everyone who's reading and responding to this fic for their support. It's really appreciated and I'm happy that you're enjoying the story so far!_

* * *

Trish made an excuse to leave the locker room as soon as Ashley came back, needing some space to clear her mind. Matt's invite had thrown her and sparked unwanted emotions inside of her. She ducked into the bathroom and locked the stall door, sliding down onto the floor and put her head in her hands. Her fingers rubbed her temples as she desperately tried to push the unwelcome memory back into the darkest recesses of her mind.

But she couldn't.

The memory had been unleashed the second Matt mentioned his little get together. It was too strong, too stubborn to just disappear like she wanted it to. She released her head and wrapped her arms around her body as her head fell back against the metal of the stall wall, staring up at the ceiling as she gave in and let it consume her mind.

_Trish shook her head as Matt ushered the last few of the stubborn guests out of the house, because no one had seen Jeff in a while, per the police's instructions. Of course, not all the party participants were leaving. Some would be staying, whether they had intended to or not. It was safer for both them and the innocent people of Cameron._

_Her eyes swept around the trashed house and she couldn't stifle a laugh as they fell upon Shane Helms. He was passed out in one of the oversized recliners, snoring loudly with his mouth hanging open. She was almost tempted to find a camera and take a picture of the sight so she could tease the superhero mercilessly about it later._

_Her gaze shifted to the couch, which was occupied by a sleeping Jay Reso. Her fellow Canadian had his head buried in a couch cushion and would mumble something incoherent every few seconds. A smile crossed her lips he groaned and rolled over, falling onto the carpeted floor. The impact of the fall didn't wake him though, as he remained out cold._

_Amy chuckled from behind her, "Well at least they're smart. They had the common sense to crash somewhere comfortable."_

_"Jeff?"_

_"No," Her friend frowned and shrugged. "Still don't know where the hell he disappeared to but I just figured out where Shannon is."_

_"And where's that?"_

_"The bathroom." The tall redhead rolled her eyes. "Which means that we have to obey the rule."_

_Trish's brows knitted together in confusion. "What rule?"_

_"If Shannon's passed out in the bathroom, we're not allowed to go in and disturb him."_

_"Why?"_

_"Well, you see, he has some odd quirks."_

_"Odd quirks? The blonde raised an eyebrow at her friend's enthusiastic nod, "Like what?"_

_"If he was in there throwing up, he tends to strip his clothes off. Believe me, we've asked why and he does have an excuse. Said he doesn't want to get it all over himself." Amy giggled hysterically, "And if he was doing anything else and passed out right after, his pants and underwear are around his ankles. It's a proven fact that he can never get them back up."_

_She frowned as she digested that piece of information, her alcohol number mind thankfully not providing her with a visual. "I guess this would be a bad time to mention that I really need to use the bathroom."_

_Matt came back into the house, sighing heavily. "So how many causalities?"_

_"Those two," Amy gestured to the sleeping pair in the living room, "Shannon's passed out in the bathroom once again."_

_"No one goes in for the sake of his or her eyesight and sanity." Matt instructed with a groan._

_"Chris Daniels is slumped over the kitchen table and Joey Matthews is curled up with Jeff's collection of Animal Statues and Aluminammies."_

_"And my brother is still MIA?"_

_Amy nodded, "My theory is that he crawled into his room and passed out in bed."_

_"You're probably right." Matt agreed with a huff, "Any other issue we need to discuss."_

_"Um, since I really have to use the bathroom and Shannon's passed out in it, is there another one?" Trish inquired, praying that there was. "My bladder feels like it's going to explode but there's no way in hell I want to try to coax a half-naked or completely naked Shannon out."_

_"Yeah, there's one down in the basement. Should be safe. No one's allowed down there during a party." Matt answered with a chuckle, shaking his head. "Go past the laundry room, into Jeff's attempt at a movie room. It's the first door on the left."_

_"Thank you!" She quickly turned and sprinted into the kitchen and down the stairs that led into the basement, the light from the kitchen illuminating them in a soft glow. On the last stair, she froze. It was darker down there and she dragged her hand along the wall, hoping to find a light switch._

_"Damn it!" She hissed fiercely, coming up empty handed in her search._

_The light switch must have been upstairs which meant that she'd have to find her way to the bathroom in the dark. She put her hands out in front of her and meandered her way through the darkness until her hands collided with a wooden surface. Her hand found the knob and she turned it, entering another room. She flung her arms out to the sides of her, her left one coming in contact with a switch._

_Releasing a relieved breath, she flipped it up. The bulb was dim and only cast the room in a soft glow but it was good enough for her to see he two doors to the left of her. She hurried over to them and threw open the first door that led into to the small bathroom, quickly ducking inside._

_When she stepped out of the bathroom, she was greeted by a low chuckle. It startled her and she jumped, wrapping her arms around herself for protection. Her eyes scanned the room and found someone sitting on the large black leather couch along the far wall. She expelled a tremulous breath and released the grip she had on herself. "You scared me."_

_Jeff gave her a slow, lazy smile that somehow looked forced. "Sorry about that." His piercing eyes scanned her and his grin wilted, "Shannon's passed out in my bathroom again, isn't he?"_

_"Yeah, he is and Matt explained why I shouldn't go in there to get him out. I hope you don't mind that I came down here to use this one but I really needed to…"_

_"Don't worry about it. Believe me, you took the best option." His voice was soft but the expression on his face was troubled._

_Trish chewed on her lower lip, wondering what was wrong. He was usually the most happy, cheerful, goofy guy that she knew but tonight, he looked downright depressed. She didn't know what possessed her but she crossed the room and sat down next to him on the couch. She turned so that she was facing him, "Are you ok?"_

_"Yeah." But his words lacked the conviction they usually held. "Just had to get away for a while, you know?"_

_"We were wondering where you disappeared to." She reached out a hand and gently laid it on his shoulder, feeling him tremble beneath the touch. "But I know that there's more to this story than you just needing to get away from your party."_

_He sighed heavily, his head falling back against the couch. "Don't worry about it Trish. It's…nothing. Go back and enjoy the party."_

_"Party's over." He gave her a confused look and she smiled lightly, "The police showed up about a half an hour ago and told us to break it up. So we did. Of course you have a few unexpected houseguests for the night."_

_"Who handled the police?"_

_"Matt."_

_"Great, I'm going to hear about this tomorrow."_

_"No more party means that there's no reason for me to hurry back upstairs. So why don't you tell me why you pulled a vanishing act at your own party." Her tone was imploring, as was the gaze that she settled on his face._

_"It's-" He trailed off with a disgusted huff and shook his head, "Not important. Stupid shit that's better left alone."_

_"Jeff, I'm your friend. I don't like to see something bothering you. So why not tell me and save us both a lot of trouble."_

_"Trouble?"_

_"Well, you should know me by now. My friends are the most important things to me so I'm not going to give up until you tell me." Trish stated flatly, "So let's not draw this out with the usual bullshit and get down to the reason that I found you down here, all alone."_

_Jeff chuckled lightly, "You're stubborn."_

_"And so aren't you." She playfully nudged him. "Probably one of the reasons we get along so well. But there's one thing you need to know."_

_"What's that?" He asked, turning his body slightly so that he was facing the blonde diva._

_"I'm going to win this battle of wills."_

_"Oh yeah?" His voice was heavy with amusement but huskier than normal. "You sure about that?"_

_She nodded and opened her mouth to speak but his lips were on hers before any words could escape._

TBC?


	6. Confession

_Trish gasped against his mouth as his tongue flicked over her lip but other than that, she wasn't resisting it at all. His lips were soft, his kiss skillful and commanding. Her lips parted slightly, granting permission for him to deepen the kiss, which he eagerly did. His arms wound around her waist and pulled her closer, so they were chest to chest. Her arms encircled his neck as his tongue expertly danced with hers, sending ripples of chills over her body. His intoxicating scent invaded her senses and clouded her mind, making her slightly lightheaded._

_She lost herself in the desire that consumed her, her hunger arcing up to meet his. His hands slipped beneath her shirt and caressed her back languidly. Goosebumps rose on her skin in the wake of his touch and she shivered against him. Their kiss grew in urgency and need. She breathlessly moaned into his mouth as he lowered them onto the couch. His lips left hers and strung a trail over her neck. Her head shifted, allowing him better access to her heated flesh. _

_His lips found her pulse point and sucked the skin into his mouth. She spread her legs, allowing his body to settle more comfortably into her own. Her eyes fluttered shut as she gave herself over to the feelings spiking inside her. His right hand moved over her thigh, massaging the denim of her jeans. She never imagined that she'd feel anything like this, let alone with Jeff. Nothing about their on-screen interaction made her believe that something like this could happen off-screen, especially since he had a girlfriend..._

_Her eyes snapped open, disbelief replacing the desire. How the hell could she have forgotten the fact that the man currently worshipping her neck had a serious girlfriend? She wouldn't place blame on the rush of emotion his kiss stirred inside her or any other ridiculous excuse that popped into her mind but she couldn't let this continue. They'd regret it when they were thinking clearly and their friendship would be either awkward or non-existent from that point on. That wasn't something she wanted to happen. _

_She pushed on his shoulders and wiggled out from beneath him, panting for each breath she struggled to reel in. Hurriedly, she got off the couch and put some much needed distance between them, needing to clear her head. She could feel his heated gaze on her and hastily averted her face, her eyes locked on the floor. She opened her mouth to speak but her voice failed her. _

"_Trish?" Jeff's voice was thick and raspy and his breathing was erratic. She heard the rustle of the couch as he got off of it and closed the distance between them. His fingers slid beneath her chin and tipped her face up so she was looking at him. "What's wrong?"_

"_We can't." She said quietly, jerking away from his touch. _

_But he wasn't deterred. He once again closed the distance between them and forced her to meet his heavy-lidded gaze. "Why not?" _

_His voice was soft, yearning and sent chills down her spine and his eyes were darker than usual and even more compelling. She felt her resolve begin to crumble and helplessly shook her head, words fleeing her. _

"_Answer me." He implored her, "Please."_

"_It's not right." Her voice was barely a whisper. _

"_It's not?" _

_She shook her head, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. His hand went to her cheek, cupping and caressing it. The touch caused her to tremble slightly but she couldn't give in. She had to make him see why this couldn't happen. "You have a girlfriend." _

_Jeff's eyes widened slightly, hand still on her face but he didn't relinquish his gaze. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it again, his teeth pulling on the lower lip. _

"_That's why we can't do this." Trish informed him flatly, her expression serious as she stepped away from him and turned to go. But his hand closed over her upper arm, preventing her from exiting. Her postured wilted and she mentally wished that he'd let go and allow her to leave. "I'm going back upstairs."_

"_Trish," There was a broken note in his tone that made her turn to face him. He closed his eyes and attempted to speak but no sound came out of his mouth. _

"_What? What is it?" _

_He looked away from her and swallowed thickly, "I don't."_

"_You don't…what?" She asked in confusion, not knowing if he meant that he didn't want her to go or he didn't think that what happened was wrong. He shook his head and she frowned, "I can't read minds. If you're want to tell me something then tell me." _

"_Christine and I- we broke up." _

"_Oh." She blinked in surprise. She knew that they had come to the party together; she had seen the dark-haired girl hanging on Jeff when her and Amy had arrived. "What happened?"_

"_We had an argument and we both said things," He shrugged tiredly, "It doesn't matter what was said. The only thing that matters is that her and I broke up." _

"_That's why you we couldn't find you and why you were down here all alone." _

"_No, that's not why." He murmured quietly but offered no further elaboration on his response. _

"_I'm sorry." _

"_Don't be." He gave a bitter edged chuckle. "Not like it's the first time. Hopefully, it's the last." _

_Her eyes widened in surprise. He was obviously saying that him and his girlfriend or rather ex-girlfriend had an on and off relationship. But she had a hard time accepting the fact that he really wanted it to end. "You're only saying that because you're angry…"_

"_I'm not." Jeff cut her off and she looked up at him in surprise. "I saw it coming. She didn't like me being gone all the time and she hated that they put you and me in angle together again. Then when she saw you here tonight, she lost it." _

_Trish didn't know what to say to that so she didn't bother to say anything. But now that he had opened up to her, she needed to hear everything so she could understand why he had kissed her. She walked past him and sat down on the couch, looking up at him and imploring him to continue with the story, with a single question. "Why?"_

"_She said she knew that I had feelings for you." He admitted softly, cheek flushing. "I tried to deny it but it lacked conviction."_

"_Jeff, we're friends-"_

"_I told her that." He jerked a hand through his hair and joined her on the couch. "But that didn't help anything and I don't blame her for ending things and walking out." _

"_You love her, don't you?"_

_He didn't answer right away, obviously thinking about it then shrugged. "I did but all that make-up, break-up stuff damaged it. And honestly because of that I couldn't give her what she wanted."_

"_Which was?"_

"_All of me." He stated flatly, "My time, my attention and my heart." _

"_Did you explain that to her?"_

"_No," He shook his head, hair falling into his face. "Because she'd ask why I couldn't."_

_She looked away, hating the pained expression on his face. "But then she'd know that you don't have feelings for me…"_

_He sighed, his head falling back against the back of the couch and his eyes closing. "And that would be a lie."_

"_W-what?" Her voice trembled and her head snapped toward him. His eyes were still closed_

"_I'd be lying, to her and myself, if I said that I didn't have feelings for you." Jeff's voice was soft but earnest. "And then when she asked if I would ever let them known if I had the chance to, I'd have to tell her the truth. That I would take the opening without hesitation." _

"_I-I-I…" Trish trailed off helplessly, not knowing how to respond, still gaping at him in shock. This wasn't exactly a new situation to her, just a new spin on it. She had a lot of guys claim to feel for her over the years but he was different from the rest. Not only was he a friend that she trusted but she also knew that he wasn't one of those fakes who said things to someone just so he could get away with something. His confession was truthful but knowing that didn't help her. _

_He sat up, eyes locked on her disbelieving ones, "I shouldn't have just kissed you like that and I shouldn't have tried to progress it. For that, I'm sorry but I'm not sorry that I finally told you."_

_She looked away, biting her lip. "This is a lot to take in right now." _

"_I understand and I don't expect you to jump for joy or even say you feel the same." He released a shaky breath; "I just couldn't let you think that kissing you was a way to deal with the break-up or some drunken mistake."_

"_I've got to get back upstairs, before Matt and Amy leave me."_

"_Ok." Jeff rose and extended his hands to her. She hesitantly took them and allowed him to help her to her feet. He looked down at her for a minute then dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Good night Trish."_

_She let go of him and walked to the door but stopped and turned back, "Goodnight Jeff."_

TBC…


	7. Jumpy

Trish moaned as the last memory subsided and the next one replaced it, her head moving from side to side against the wall of the bathroom stall in misery. She wanted to stop thinking about this, to spare herself the pain that would inevitably come with reliving these memories but she couldn't. Once unleashed, they were too powerful and too vivid to be ignored.

Saying goodnight to him wasn't the end of the situation like she hoped. If it were, it would have prevented so much of the pain, so much drama and angst that littered the last few months of Jeff's first tenure in the WWE. But life didn't work that way. Instead, how things ended between them that night had been some sort of perverse beginning. Even though she never wanted to get involved personally with someone she was involved with professionally, the events of that night had set it in motion and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

_"Flight 214 from Toronto to New York is now ready to begin boarding." The tinny announcement rang out through the airport. "Passengers seated in rows A- K should report to gate C now."_

_Trish sighed and stood up, stretching to work the kinks out of her fatigued body. She wasn't ready to go back to work but she had no choice. If she tried to get anymore time off after they were returning from a two-week holiday break, Vince would probably laugh at her then fire her. He always stressed the importance of events they held at Madison Square Garden, especially the first RAW back from their time off. After two weeks of limited money coming into the business, his eyes were huge with dollar signs. _

_She lazily made her way over to the gate and got in line, her ticket clutched tightly in her hand but her mind on still on her break. _

_Her vacation hadn't been the peaceful, fun, relaxing time she had been hoping for. If anything, the time off was troublesome because for once in her life, she actually had time to sit around and replay what transpired between her and Jeff over and over in her head, like a movie that had been left on a repeated loop. The more she thought about it, the more confused and conflicted she felt about it. Part of her was intrigued by the idea and exposed her own vulnerability and desire to have that one great love of her life. All her carefully crafted defenses crumbled uselessly as she vividly recalled his soul-baring admission. _

_And if she had to be completely honest with herself, she'd have to admit that if anyone fit the description of her perfect guy, it was Jeff. _

_Not only was he good looking, sweet, fearless and caring but he didn't think of her as if she was nothing more than a mindless Barbie doll like most of the men she had dated tried to do. She knew he respected her as a person and enjoyed hearing her thoughts and opinions on anything they were discussing. She'd be safe with him because he wasn't the kind of man who would abuse a woman, mentally or physically. And even though he was a gentleman who held open doors and pulled out chairs, he had that infamous wild, unpredictable streak that she found exciting so she'd never grow bored with him. _

_Maybe that was why she allowed his declaration tease her subconscious as she lay in bed at night, helplessly staring up at her ceiling. It ignited fantasies and daydreams of a relationship with him that danced through her mind for hours on end and left her lips curved in a giddy, girlish grin. She even started coming up with what if scenario's to try and justify a reason to break the cardinal rule she had set for herself upon entering the business. It was so tempting, so compelling but the only thing that stopped her from picking up the phone and calling Jeff was fear. _

_Fear, that she'd be making the biggest mistake of her life. _

_The sensible, logical part of her knew that the relationship wouldn't be easy or simple, because they never were, but in their case it would be even harder. Not only were they were complete opposites but they also lived in different countries. Neither of them really had the time it took to invest in making a relationship work because of the demands of their job. There were always signings and photo shoots, promotional appearances that they had to do that would put space between them. Sure they saw each other at TV tapings, PPV's and house shows but that wouldn't provide them any alone time because there was always stagehands, writers or agents that needed to discuss something with you. _

_The few times they saw each other outside of work weren't ideal relationship scenario's either. They were always at bars, airports, hotels or parties given by mutual friends and surrounded by people. That wouldn't give them much time to get to know each other on the personal level that was needed to keep the relationship going. Plus, she knew that Matt didn't approve of any girl his younger brother dated for some reason and she knew that he wouldn't make an exception just because he knew her better than most since she was his girlfriend's best friend. _

_Then there was their friendship to consider. Was it worth risking that to pursue something that probably wouldn't work out? What would it do to their professional relationship? Could they stand to be around each other or would they go out of their way to avoid one another?_

_Of course, the Internet would probably doom their relationship before they realized that they weren't meant to be or any of the other obstacles ended their union… _

_Once word leaked out that their onscreen relationship had become an off-screen one, the so-called wrestling news sites and gossip rags would have a great time writing things that weren't true about them. Some fans would have a problem with it and verbally bash them on message boards. There was nothing that the McMahon's hated more than negative publicity about their employee's personal lives because they felt it affected ticket and merchandise sales._

"_Miss?" A voice invaded her musings, "Miss?" _

_She shook her head to clear the haunting thoughts from her mind as the lady at the gate asked her for her ticket. She extended it to her with an embarrassed grin and hurried down the tunnel even though all she wanted to do was turn and run the other way. _

* * *

_Trish pulled into the parking garage of MSG and cut the engine, leaning back against the seat and closing her eyes. She needed to take a moment to herself and try to screw up the courage to work with Jeff and pretend like everything was all right. It wasn't going to be easy to shoot backstage scenes or have a match with him knowing what she did but she had no choice but to suck it up and be a professional until they could sit down and talk about this. _

_**Tap. Tap. Tap.**_

_She jumped in her seat, head whipping toward the driver's side window in wide-eyed shock. Heaving a sigh of relief, she rolled down the window and shook her head with a tight smile, "You scared me the hell out of me! Wasn't there a better way to get my attention?"_

"_Sorry!" Amy grinned, leaning into the open window. "Saw you sitting here as we were going inside and you looked so out of it that I couldn't resist."_

"_So you just had to give me a heart attack?" She clicked her tongue, "Thanks a lot."_

"_What's the matter? Not ready to go back to work yet?"_

"_Something like that." She murmured evasively. _

"_I hear you." Hazel eyes rolled, "Apparently, it's a common affliction plaguing most people today."_

"_You and Matt?"_

_The redhead scoffed heartily at that notion, a husky chuckle escaping her mouth. "I think we're the exception to the rule since we actually thought that the beak was too long. But our traveling companions obviously didn't share that particular view." _

"_Shane?" _

"_He was twenty minutes late getting to the house then he flopped down on the couch and was whining about needing one more day!" She snickered derisively. "But of course, that was nothing compared to Jeff. I swear, he was purposely trying to make us miss our flight and when that didn't work, he actually tried to say that he didn't feel good." _

_She swallowed thickly and tried to find her voice, "W-why would he want to do that?" _

"_Who knows? Probably still nursing his 'broken' heart and wanted to sleep the day away. It's not our fault that he spent most of his time off drinking…"_

"_Huh? What broken heart? _

_Amy shrugged and waved her hand in dismissal, obviously bored with the topic. "Enough about that. You coming inside or are you going to make a great escape and leave Vince a sputtering mess?" _

"_I'll be a minute or two," she demurred nervously, "I, uh, have to check my messages. Had my cell off the entire vacation so I can only imagine how many I have."_

"_All right, I'll see you inside." Amy turned and headed off toward the building. _

_Trish let out a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding and sagged deeper into the seat. She couldn't do this. If she had gotten that rattled by talking to her best friend when it came time to go over the script with Jeff, she'd be a basket case. Her eyes slid shut and she brought he fingers to the bridge of her nose, expelling a rough breath as she mentally reprimanded herself for acting like this. _

_A hand touched her shoulder through the open window and she screamed, jerking away from the unexpected contact and slamming her side against the steering wheel. She hissed in pain and closed her eyes, "Damn it Amy! Had to come back and give me a second heart attack?"_

"_Sorry, I didn't mean to." The voice that responded wasn't Amy's. _

_It was Jeff's. _

TBC?


	8. Close quarters

_Trish inwardly groaned at the soft, concerned southern drawl. There went her plan of avoiding him until they had to go over their segment for the night. Obviously fate hated her and decided to thwart her carefully crafted plan instead of letting her have the time and space to come up with something to say. And she had really needed that time and space because she knew that there was no way that they could have this conversation right now and have it turn out well. In her distracted state, anything was liable to come out of her mouth and do more harm than good._

_The only way that she could manage to escape this unscathed and free of humiliation was to pretend that everything was all right and hope that he bought it. She expelled a ragged breath and forced smile to her lips, looking up at him through her lashes. "I thought that you went inside with Matt?"_

"_I did." Jeff's usually piercing gaze wouldn't meet hers and he was rocking slightly on his heels, a mannerism she had come to realize meant that he was as uncomfortable with the situation as she was. _

"_Forget something?"_

"_No. Amy said that you were out here and you didn't seem like yourself…" He trailed off with a shrug. _

"_I'm just tired." She lied easily, hoping that he'd accept that answer and leave things alone. But the logical, rational part of her knew that he wouldn't. When it came to his friends, he was determined that there'd be no issues between them, even if he was the reason for the issue. "You know how it is."_

"_Oh, yeah." He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, either trying to get more comfortable or relaxed. "Holidays wear you out?" _

"_Yeah, something like that." But the agreement was unconvincing to her own ears and she frowned, knowing that he wouldn't let the conversation end on that note. _

_He studied her carefully then heaved a sigh, "Trish, don't lie to me. The reason that you're not yourself has nothing to do with the holidays, does it?"_

"_Jeff…" But she couldn't muster the nerve to exaggerate again and closed her mouth, tearing her eyes away from him. He huffed in frustration and disappeared from the window. _

_She blinked, shocked that he'd just walk away and leave things alone. That usually wasn't his style. But her disbelief was short lived as her eyes lifted to the rearview mirror and found him making his way around the car. The passenger side door opened and he climbed in, closing the door behind him and a shudder of dismay course through her because she knew that he was prepared to do battle, "What are you doing?"_

_He shifted in the seat, so that he was facing her profile. "I don't want things to be weird between us. Since this might take a while, I figured that it would be more comfortable and private if we're both in the car." _

"_Oh." She murmured, rolling up the window and using it as an excuse to put as much distance between them as the close confines of the car would allow. But once the window was up, she couldn't help but notice how hot it suddenly was in the tiny car. Maybe she wouldn't feel so overheated and claustrophobic if she put a little more space between them. She scooted over slightly, pinning her body against the driver's side door. _

"_Don't worry, I won't bite." He folded his arms across his chest and cocked an eyebrow as he stared at her. "Could you at least look at me?"_

_She swallowed thickly but faced him, unsure of what to say or do. What was the right way to handle this? Should she just lay it out for him or wait until he said something? Her lips parted but no words came to her so she took a deep breath instead. _

"_Would it have been better if I didn't say anything?" He inquired helplessly, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he blatantly tried to suppress his emotions. "If I had just let you think that I kissed you just because I was drunk?"_

"_I don't know." Trish shook her head and shrugged, "Maybe."_

"_So you'd rather think that I was trying to take advantage of the fact that we were both drinking?" There was a disgusted tinge to his tone that reflected in his expressive eyes along with something that closely resembled horror. He watched as she struggled to find an answer and his eyes widened slightly, "Really?_

"_I-I," She couldn't clamp down on a groan and it trickled out of her mouth. "I'm not sure."_

_Jeff pursed his lips for a moment then sighed, "I couldn't let you think that because I'd hate for you to assume that I was the type of guy who just randomly tried to hook up with a woman when he was drinking." _

"_I know you're not." She assured him earnestly, hating the fact that it came out in a whisper and not a forceful declaration like she intended it to. _

"_Good." He licked his lips; "I also hope that you know that I wasn't giving you a line just so I could get you into bed."_

"_I do." _

"_Ok but here's something that I don't think you know." He leaned in closer to her and she shuddered, "I'm not going to pursue anything with you…"_

_She couldn't help but stare at him in amazement. Most guys would expect you to fawn all over them after they told you that they had feelings for you. Or they'd think you were playing hard to get and try to get you to go out with them. So it was a shock to her system to hear him say that he wasn't going to push for anything to happen between them. Her mouth opened but closed again quickly when she realized that she didn't know how to respond to that. _

"_I totally respect the fact that we work together and that we have an onscreen relationship. But there's no need for you to be worried about whether or not I'll be able to keep our angle completely professional because I intend to."_

"_Oh, ok." She replied and closed her eyes, mentally kicking herself for coming off as such an idiot. But it wasn't her fault that she was floundering; it was his. His determination and honesty blew her away. _

"_Don't get me wrong," He broke off with a chuckle that was weak and paled in comparison to his usual melodic laugh, "I'd love for something more to happen between us. But if you don't feel the same way then the right thing for me to do is to understand that and back off." _

_She nodded mutely, unable to come up with a decent response, and pulled her lip between her teeth. _

"_Because you don't, right?"_

"_I…" Trish dragged in a deep breath and closed her mouth. She couldn't give him a firm answer to that query because she didn't know if she felt anything more than friendship toward him. But she didn't want to lie to him either since they were friends. That left her no choice but to tell the absolute truth, "I'm not sure."_

_Jeff's posture changed, becoming less rigid and more relaxed. "You're not sure whether or not you have feelings for me?" _

"_No, I'm not." _

"_Damn," He raked a hand through his hair, astounded by her admission. "I swear that I wasn't trying to make this whole ordeal more complicated. I didn't think-" _

"_I know."_

"_Well, what does this revelation mean?" He looked just as confused as she felt, "Should I still back off? Or should we give this a try?"_

"_I've been agonizing over this since I left your house that night and I still haven't come up with an answer." She admitted hopelessly, shaking her head as if it might help clear the cobwebs and point her in the right direction. But of course, it didn't. "I just need some more time." _

"_Yeah, no problem." He agreed without hesitation, disbelief that she hadn't rejected him completely still etched into his features. "Um, when you know if you do or not just let me know. Ok?" _

"_I will." _

"_I'll see you inside." Jeff turned and opened the door, getting out of the car. As he shut the door behind him, he sighed. _

TBC…


	9. Lights, Camera, Action

_Trish stayed to herself all day, lost in thought and battling confusion. She purposely avoided her friends for fear that if they asked her what was wrong, she'd slip up and tell them. Usually, she wouldn't mind sharing the dilemma with Amy and getting her perspective on the matter but this time was different. Not only was the red headed diva dating Matt but she was also like an older sister to Jeff. Who knew how she'd react to the news?_

_But, unfortunately, she couldn't hide out any longer. _

_Arn Anderson had found her and informed her that Jeff and her had a segment to tape next. She swallowed thickly at the agent's announcement and mentally groaned. Because of her avoidance, she hadn't practiced the scene with Jeff or even looked over the script for the show tonight. That meant that unless a miracle happened, they'd have to do several takes before they got it right. _

_Her stomach nervously turned as she waited outside the door to "Jeff's" locker room for her cue to enter. The door burst open and Matt stormed out, pausing and glaring at her for moment then angrily brushing past her and out of the camera's sight. She turned her head, giving him her patented what the hell look for the benefit of the camera then tossed her hair over her shoulder and pushed open the door. _

_Jeff looked up, a scowl twisting his lips that disappeared when he saw her. But his features remained completely somber. "Hey Trish." _

_His reaction to her presence clued her into the fact that this scene was not going to be their usual fun and flirty scene. That meant she had to play this serious but let him take the lead so she knew where to go in the scene. She made her way over to the couch and sat next to him, turning so that she could study his profile. Her hand covered his and she put on her most concerned face. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing." His tone was quiet, evasive and almost grim. _

"_Really? Because you're not acting like yourself."_

"_Yeah, everything's fine."_

"_Jeff, you know that I won't give up until you tell me. So why waste time pretending that everything's all right when it's obviously not?" _

_He heaved a sigh, taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze, "It's Matt."_

"_Yeah, I saw him leaving in a huff. I take it that you two got into another argument."_

"_It seems like that's all we do lately." He lamented, finally looking at her. "Hasn't been this bad in a while."_

"_Why is he mad at you this time?"_

"_Oh, you know, the usual." He rolled his eyes dramatically, "I'm wrong for living my life the way I want. I'm not capable of making my own choices. I should be concentrating more on the team than on single's matches…"_

_She licked her lips, opting to finish the line for him. "And then there's me." _

"_Trish-"_

"_I know that he hates the idea of us being…close." She said the last part in a low tone and tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear. "He doesn't trust me and he probably never will."_

"_It's not up to him." _

"_But maybe he's right. You've gotten mixed up in so much because of me,"_

_He twisted in his seat and placed a finger to her lips. "It's my choice who I get involved with, not my brother's. If he can't deal with the idea of us being…friends…then that's his problem, not ours." _

_She took a deep breath as he removed his finger and sighed, "I don't want to come between you and your brother."_

"_You won't." He gave her a smile, "Beside, he's more pissed about me wrestling RVD in a ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship tonight than he is about us." _

_Her eyes widened, "A ladder match? Tonight? How could Bischoff just throw you into that without giving you any time to prepare?_

"_He didn't." Jeff shrugged at the bewildered look she threw him, "I requested it."_

"_What? Why?"_

"_Because, lately I've been playing it safe. Not taking the risks I need to, which was Matt's idea. But tonight, I need to prove to my brother that to get what you want, you've got to go to the extreme."_

_Trish closed her eyes; going with the genuine fear she had at that moment. "It's so dangerous…"_

"_That's why I don't think that you should be at ringside." His hand cupped her cheek and she opened her eyes, finding his. "I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you out there." _

"_But I," she sighed heavily and shook her head, her words fleeing her. _

"_Promise me that you won't come down to the ring. No matter what happens." He implored her, stroking her cheek. "Please?"_

"_I-I," She bit her lip and took a deep breath, "If that's what you want."_

"_Thank you." He whispered and then his lips touched hers. _

"_And cut!" The segment supervisor called with a pleased smile. They broke apart slowly then turned to her with questioning looks. _

_She gave them a thumb's up in approval. "You two nailed it. Wish everyone else could generate that much heat and emotion in just one take." The supervisor and camera crew headed out of the room, allowing the door to slam shut behind them. _

_Trish expelled a breath she didn't remember holding, "Thanks."_

"_For what?" _

"_Come on, we both know that the only reason that scene worked was because of you leading me."_

_He gave her a patient look, "To me, it didn't feel like it was one sided at all. Felt like we both knew what we were doing and did a good job of going back and forth."_

"_No way! I didn't read the script so I had no idea how to play it until you reacted to me walking in the room. And even after that, I was still lost."_

"_That's not true." _

"_Half the time that I tried to talk, I ended up trailing off because I had no clue what to say."_

"_And it worked!" Jeff protested honestly, "I spring this whole ladder match on you without warning. Of course my "girlfriend" would be worried and shocked. So you being speechless fit perfectly in the context of the scene." _

"_Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. "You're just too modest to take credit for being the savior of that segment." _

_He mimicked her stance, his intense gaze locking on hers. "And you're too hard on yourself. Not everything always has to be perfect. The way you reacted was realistic and that's what made the whole thing work." _

"_If you say so." She offered him a conspiratorial wink, "But we both know the truth, even if you're too much of a gentleman to admit that I wasn't at my best." _

"_I can honestly say that I don't think there's a time when you're not at your best." He stated quietly, breaking eye contact. _

_Awkwardness settled over her like a blanket and she cleared her throat, quickly getting to her feet. For a few minutes in the room with him after their scene, she had managed to forget about everything else that was going on between them. Then his admission had brought it all back to her and ruined the easy flowing conversation. Now, the need to escape and hide out until she had to do another scene was prevalent in her. _

_Thankfully, her mind came up with the perfect excuse to facilitate an escape. "Well, I really need to go read the script for the show. I probably have a match against someone and I'll need to talk it over with them. And then during your match, we'll have a good luck segment and I'll have more backstage scenes to get through on my own..." _

"_Ok." Jeff didn't try to plead with her to stay or get angry that she was once again pushing him away. He gave her a tight smile, "Enjoy your reading."_

"_I'll see you in a while." Trish crossed the room stiffly and hurriedly exited the locker room. Once away from there and out of the main traffic of the show, she leaned against the wall and sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose to try and gain some control over her emotions. The night was just starting and she was already struggling with being close to him. Her entire body was trembling and her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she feared it would explode. _

"_Get a grip on yourself." She mumbled to herself quietly yet fiercely. "You've already talked it over with Jeff and he agreed to give you time to work out how you feel. He's being completely professional during your scenes together." _

_But something inside her told her that things wouldn't be that simple. _

_She forced herself not to listen to that feeling and pushed off the wall, determined to go about her business like she had every Raw before she learned of Jeff's feelings for her. _

TBC?


	10. A Crashing Halt

_Trish finished the script and sighed. She had more segments than she had thought she would but no match. The only downside to the scenes was that out of three of them, two were with Jeff. One before his match with RVD and one after, comforting him about the fact that his brother turned on him and cost him the match. The other one was a live segment during the match, where she'd be watching on the monitor._

_On the surface, they were easy enough._

_All she had to do was act like the caring, worried girlfriend like she had been doing for the past three weeks. But with everything else going on, it put her under a lot of pressure during those scenes. Pressure to act like everything was fine. The last thing she wanted was for anyone at work to look at the segments and see that things weren't fine. Or worse, be able to tell that there was more going on between her and Jeff off-screen._

_She had worked hard to keep her personal life and her professional life as separate as possible. If anyone even suspected that something had changed between the two of them; it would be the subject of backstage gossip until something better came along._

_"Hey!" Amy greeted, pulling her from her thoughts. Her friend sat down in a chair across from her and offered her a grin. "Hiding out?"_

_"No. Just going over the script since I didn't get around to reading it on vacation."_

_The red rolled her eyes, "I wish I could say that. Matt and I ran over his scenes so many times over the break that I know every action and reaction by heart."_

_"I know that it's killing you not to be a part of the show other than calling matches on heat." She told her friend sincerely. "But don't worry. You've got a few more weeks and then you get clearance."_

_"It's going by so slowly."_

_She arched an eyebrow, "Would you rather rush back before you're ready and end up injuring yourself even worse?"_

_"No…but it's so hard to just sit on the sidelines and watch everything going on around you." A ragged breath tumbled over lips, "Subject change. What do you think about tem splitting up Matt and Jeff tonight?"_

_"Well, we knew it was coming but I'm surprised that they chose to do it tonight, when there's so much that could go wrong in Jeff's match already."_

_"You worried?"_

_She bit her lip, pondering that. "I just hate the fact that they put him in another ladder match. The one he had with Mark left him hurting for days. He limped around for close to a month after it."_

_"And you're worried because when Rob and Jeff have a match, they go big and throw caution to the wind." Amy threw in with a nod. "I'll let you in on a secret. I'm worried about him too."_

_"You know if he heard this, he'd tell us to stop worrying."_

_"Of course."_

_"Well at least my reactions during my backstage segment will be real." Trish chuckled bitterly. "And it's bound to turn out better than the first one did."_

_Her friend's eyes widened, "You thought it turned out bad? When I saw it, I was blown away."_

_"You saw it?" She was confused because usually no one saw segments until the show aired. "How? When?"_

_"Laura showed it to us in the pre-production meeting. Raved about the fact that you guys nailed it in one take." A smirk graced her face, "You're chemistry is amazing. When I watched that scene, I actually forgot that you two aren't really a couple."_

_"Uh, thanks." She could feel the color rising in her cheeks and that uncomfortable feeling blanketed her once again. Her eyes went to the script in front of her as a diversion, "We're doing are best to make the fans think we are and not completely loathe the idea."_

_"Trish, you're needed for taping." The stagehand informed her. "Amy, Jim Ross needs to go over a few things with you."_

_"I'll see you later!" Amy promised as the girls got to their feet. "And stop worrying so much, everything is going to work out like it's supposed to."_

* * *

_Jeff finished stretching and caught sight of her watching him, "Come to wish me luck?"_

_"No," She closed the distance between then and put her hand on his chest, trying not to shiver when his arms went around her waist in response. "Because I know that you're going to win."_

_"Oh yeah?" He leaned his forehead against hers. "How do you know that?"_

_"I just do." She moved her head and brushed her lips against his in a quick kiss. "Time for you to go and claim the Intercontinental Championship. So we can celebrate later…"_

_He reluctantly released his hold on her and winked, "Consider it a done deal."_

_She sighed as he exited the dressing room, her face falling in fear. "I just hope you come back to me in one piece."_

_"And cut!"_

_He can back into the room, smiling widely. "What's the verdict?"_

_"Another home run." Laura beamed at them. "I love working with you two. You make my job so easy. See you after the match!"_

_Trish chuckled as she walked away. "We hit two for two so far tonight. Think if we go three for three Vince will give us raises?"_

_"Right then after the aneurysm is removed, he'll take it right back." Jeff shook his head and laughed at the notion._

_"You had to spoil it, didn't you?" She rolled her eyes. "Couldn't be content to let me enjoy the fantasy."_

_"I have to keep you grounded. Wouldn't want your head in the clouds when you're supposed to be all worried and concerned."_

_"Speaking of keeping people grounded, shouldn't you and Rob be discussing any last minute details of the match? I know that you've both had a ton of them but it's still a risky match and you shouldn't leave anything to chance."_

_He nodded, his brow drawing together. "Yeah, you're probably right. Both of us are planning on trying a few new things and should plot them out."_

_"Good luck!" She called out as he exited the room._

* * *

_Trish leaned forward, sitting on the edge of the couch as she watched the match on the monitor. The guys were putting on a hell of a show and had the audience in the palm of their hand. Watching it, she had gotten so caught up in it that she forgot that there were cameras in the room, broadcasting her every reaction. But it wasn't her fault that she so was so caught up in the action; it was theirs. They were putting on a match that would definitely earn Match of the Year consideration._

_She couldn't help but wince when she saw Jeff take a hard back bump on the ladder. Rob caught him with the rolling thunder and she shuddered. His back was going to kill him when this match was done and for days after. A harsh breath tumbled over her lips as she saw his opponent get to his feet and climb the ropes._

_"Oh!" She cried out involuntarily as Rob went for a split legged moonsault and Jeff moved out of the way. He slowly got to his feet and did a somersault leg drop onto a prone Rob._

_"Come on Jeff…" She murmured as he grabbed the original ladder, which had taken a lot of abuse in the opening part of the match, and set it up. Rob got to his feet as Jeff started climbing the ladder. They exchanged fists, the ladder rocking unsteadily with every blow._

_Her eyes narrowed as she studied the ladder they were on. It looked like a piece of the metal was hanging off the side. It was one of the arms that kept the ladder open! She jumped to her feet, intent on warning someone about the situation._

_But the ladder collapsed in a heap, taking both guys with it._

_Trish screamed, her hand flying to her mouth. Rob and Jeff lay on the mat, neither one of them moving. She watched with baited breath as Mike Chioda checked on them then threw his arms up in an X, which was the signal to get the paramedics because there was a legitimate injury to one, if not both, of the superstars._

TBC?


	11. Waiting

_Trish hurried out of the locker room, intent on checking on Jeff. Once out there, she realized that she could only press against a wall, unable to move because the backstage area was in complete chaos. It was always busy but the last time she had seen it anything even close to this was the night that Paul destroyed his quad._

_But even that night hadn't been as bad as this was._

_There were people everywhere you looked. Stagehands and Agents walked around, telling everyone in sight to clear the way so the EMT's could get down to the ring. Paramedics rushed past her, loaded down with supplies. Wrestlers congregated around monitors, all of their attention on the medics working on their injured co-workers. Vince McMahon stormed past her, berating the prop manager for not noticing that the ladder was faulty._

_Amy rushed through the pandemonium and over to her, shouting her name frantically to garner her attention. "Trish! Trish!" _

"_Amy!" She cried out in response, glad to see someone who felt the same as she did. The normally unflappable redhead's face was pinched in worry and fear. The two friends embraced, grasping onto each other like they were their only lifelines. They drew back and she saw that her friend was close to tears. "You ok?"_

"_I just can't believe that this happened."_

"_Me either." She admitted in a tone that was hushed and tight with control. It was obvious that she couldn't lose it like she wanted to, that she had to try to be the strong one. Not only for her self but also for her reeling friend. "Have they told you anything?"_

"_No and they won't allow Matt or me to go down there. That's not sitting well with Matt at all. He refused to come back here with me, so he's waiting by the curtain." She swallowed thickly and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I want to go down there so bad."_

"_I know that it's hard to sit here and feel so helpless but we'd only be in the way if we went to the ring." _

"_I know-" The taller diva bit her lip, hazel eyes misting over once again. "But he was bleeding…"_

_Her eyes widened. In her haste to get out of the locker room to check on him, she hadn't looked back at the monitor. The fact that he was bleeding was not only unwelcome news but also an indication that whatever was wrong, was worse than the bumps and bruises he usually sustained. "From where?"_

"_I'm not sure." The admission was quiet, agonized and followed by a sigh. "I just saw it on the canvas by him."_

_They lapsed into silence, neither one knowing what to say. She wrapped around her arms around herself and mentally began to pray that he'd be all right. _

"_Clear the way!" A voice bellowed and paramedics ran by with an occupied stretcher. Both women leaned closer as it passed them, trying to see if it was Jeff but brown hair that hung over the side clued them into the fact that it was Rob. _

_Each of them heaved a sigh and crashed back against the wall in defeat. But they didn't remain in that position long as another stretcher was wheeled into view. _

_Red. _

_All Trish could see was a red. It covered Jeff's face and had dripped down onto the collar they had wrapped around his neck. Her stomach churned at the sight and a shudder worked its way down her spine. She thickly swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat at the gruesome sight. _

"_Oh my god." Amy gasped out, taking a step or two away from the wall but froze as it drew closer._

_The stretcher passed by them, followed closely by a tense looking Matt. He called out to them that he was going with his brother in the ambulance and for Amy to follow in the car. She nodded mutely, her expression hovering somewhere between shock and dismay, but made no attempt to move._

_She noticed her friend's petrified state and laid a hand on her shoulder, finding her voice. "Amy?" _

_The redhead didn't respond, just continued to stare off into space at something only she could see. Her hand squeezed her friend's shoulder and tried to break her out of her trance again, her voice stronger than before. "Ames…"_

_But just like before, there was no response. _

_She released the other woman's shoulder and stepped out in front of her. Tears slid freely down the taller woman's face and her lower lip trembled. She pushed down her own urge to cry and focused on getting the redhead moving. "I know that you're scared and I am too. But we need to go to the car and follow them to the hospital so we can find out how Jeff is." _

"_Huh?" The reply was dazed, disorientated. Hazel eyes blinked and more tears spilled from them, "What did you say?"_

"_We have to get to the hospital." She replied slowly, eyes locked on her friend's. _

"_Oh yeah," Amy nodded unsurely, her expression still devastated. "The car's…somewhere."_

"_I'll drive." She stated firmly and took her friend's arm, propelling her along with her. _

* * *

_Trish slumped in her seat, her head resting against the wall. They'd been sitting in the waiting area of the emergency room for over an hour and still hadn't heard anything on Jeff's condition. But that fact told her that whatever was wrong with him wasn't something minor. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to will the thoughts of paralysis out of her mind. _

"_Hey," Matt's voice was softer than normal. "We're going to find a vending machine and grab some drinks. You want anything?"_

"_No thanks, I'm all right." She politely declined the offer, her eyes fixed on the doorway that Jeff's stretcher had disappeared behind. _

"_Ok." He followed her gaze and sighed, "We should be back in a minute or two but if anyone comes out with news about Jeff, try to get them to wait until we get back." _

"_I will." _

"_Thanks Trish." _

_She waited until he walked away and closed her eyes, once again battling the pressure that had been building behind them since the ladder collapsed. Her fingers hurriedly swiped at the few drops of moisture that escaped the shut lids, not wanting Matt or Amy to come back and find her crying. It wasn't vanity or fear of being vulnerable that made her wipe away the tears. The reason that she did it was because she knew that in emotionally tense situations if one person cried, it would get someone else crying. Since Amy had broken down at the sight of Jeff on the stretcher, she knew that if she came back and saw her crying that she'd break again. _

_Matt had enough to deal with already without having to comfort two sobbing females. He was being strong for them since they arrived at the hospital, comforting Amy and trying to be positive for her. But one look into his eyes and you knew that it was killing him not to know anything about his beloved baby brother's condition. Every time the door opened, he jumped out of his seat then a joke about his eagerness when it wasn't someone with information on Jeff. _

_Dragging in a deep breath, she forced herself to calm down and opened her eyes. She stood up and stretched to get the blood flowing to her legs again. Her body was aching from sitting in that chair for so long but she didn't want to venture anywhere in case someone finally came out. She grabbed a magazine off the table and flopped back down in her chair, expelling a loud breath as she began to aimlessly leaf through it. _

_The door opened and a doctor stepped into the waiting room. He looked around uncertainly then consulted the chart in his hands. "Is there anyone here for Jeff Hardy?"_

_She jumped to her feet, knocking the magazine to the floor, "We are!" _

_The doctor looked confused at that and frowned slightly. "We?"_

"_His brother and his brother's girlfriend just went to get some soda's. They should be back really soon-"_

"_I'm sorry but I can't wait for them." His tone was flat, unaffected. "I do have other patients to check on." _

_She understood his reason but his attitude was less than satisfactory. When she was attending medical school, they preached the importance of being personable and courtesy to patient's families. This guy had obviously failed bedside manner 101. She quickly pushed her feelings about the man aside, "Fine. Then you can tell me how Jeff is."_

"_Are you family?"_

_Trish knew that if she answered that honestly, he wouldn't tell her anything. So she had to lie in order to get the crucial information. "I'm his fiancée."_


	12. Diagnosis

_The doctor stared at her, long and hard, obviously trying to see if she was telling the truth about her relationship with Jeff. His eyes went to her left hand and settled on the finger where an engagement ring would rest. He opened his mouth but thought better of it and resumed his perusal of her then glanced uncertainly at his clipboard then back at her hand._

_Trish kept her expression neutral and her mouth firmly closed, her stance unmoving. She wouldn't offer a follow up excuse as to why she wasn't wearing an engagement ring because he'd see through it. Only someone who had something to hide would spout out excuses at a curious glance. She folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow, clearing her throat to get the doctor's attention. "So, how is my fiancée?" _

"_Considering the fall, his injuries were minor."_

"_Minor's good." She let out a relieved sigh and relaxed slightly, "But I know from experience that a Doctor's opinion of minor and a non-medical person's version of minor are a bit different. So why not just lay it out for me?"_

"_Mr. Hardy sustained a laceration to his forehead that required twenty-seven stitches to close it. He also suffered four cracked ribs and a broken wrist." He informed her flatly, casting an unimpressed at his chart. "He'll need to have his stitches removed next week but other than that, he's fine to be released tonight."_

"_All right." She digested that information and frowned. "How long will he be out of work?" _

"_Given what he does for a living and the nature of the injuries, I'd strongly advise him to not participate in any strenuous activity for six to eight weeks." _

_Her eyes closed at that. She had an eerie sense of déjà vu laughing at her back. Two years ago, when they were involved in their first angle together, her ankle injury had ended it. With Jeff being unable to work for almost two months, it would definitely be dropped without explanation once again. Maybe it was a sign that they shouldn't pursue anything…_

"_Miss? Miss?" The Doctor's irritating voice pulled her from her thoughts and she looked at him, her eyes stinging. "Would you like to see your fiancée?" _

"_Yeah." She nodded vehemently, "Thank you." _

"_Follow me." He instructed, turning and pushing through the heavy wooden doors that separated the waiting area from the emergency rooms. _

_The smell of antiseptic flooded her senses and she grimaced as she trailed behind the doctor. Every nerve in her body was hyper-alert and every sound sent a chill down her spine. She took a deep breath as the doctor stopped by a door and gestured for her to go in. "Thanks."_

_As she crossed the room to the bed, she was aware of the fact that the doctor was still in the doorway and that he was going to watch how she greeted Jeff, looking for an indication that she had lied about her connection to his patient. A shudder ran down her spine as she bent over and pressed her lips lightly against the sleeping man's. She drew back and took his hand in hers, "Jeff, baby, you scared me so bad tonight."_

_Jeff's eyes fluttered open but the usual brilliant green orbs were unfocused and glazed slightly. His brows knitted together in confusion as his gaze locked on hers. He blinked, trying to clear the cobwebs. "Trish?"_

"_Yeah, it's me." She squeezed his hand, hoping he'd write off the kiss as a dream. He studied her for a long moment then shook his head. Relief flooded through her and she released him and took a step away from the bed. "How are you feeling?"_

"_Like I got into a handicap match against a ladder and gravity." His voice was hoarse and he tried to clear his throat, "And lost."_

_She chuckled appreciatively at that, glad that he could find something humorous about the situation. It actually helped her to feel more comfortable and she sat on top of the small table next to him. "Pretty much sums up what happened."_

"_Do I have a concussion?" He asked suddenly, his forehead creasing. "Cause my head is killing me."_

"_No, you don't. But you do have a lot of thread holding it together." _

_He struggled to sit up then winced, his arm instinctively wrapping around his ribs. He drew in a few ragged, uneven breaths, "Broken?"_

"_Cracked." She made a face as his gaze flickered over the cast that encased his right hand and stopped at his elbow. "It's not a decoration. It's real but on the bright-side, they're springing you from here tonight."_

"_Do I even want to hear the suggested time off work?"_

"_Probably not but I'm going to tell you anyway." She licked her lips and tried to smile for him, but it wobbled. "Six to eight weeks." _

"_Fuck." He muttered, his good hand curling into a fist by his side. "They actually want me to sit out for that long?"_

"_They strongly advise it."_

"_Not happening." His tone was flat and firm, determination edging it. "There's no way that I'm going to sit at home for two months, watching everything go on without me."_

"_Jeff-"_

"_Trish, don't patronize me. I know what happens if I sit out for that long." There was a steely ring to his voice that she never heard from him before. "The spot that I earned goes to someone else. Our angle disappears again."_

"_But you and I both know that they won't clear you to wrestle for at least six weeks." She told him rationally, "So what other choice does that leave you but to do it?"_

"_Ok, so I can't wrestle right now-" He admitted with a heavy sigh, "but that doesn't mean that I still can't appear on Raw." _

_Trish couldn't help but smile as his infamous stubborn streak reared its head. "Say that Vince agrees to let you on show up on Raw, even though you can't wrestle. What would you do? _

_Jeff frowned, "Well, they're going to break up Matt and me. So why make them wait longer than they need to. It's not like I can't take the twist of fate-"_

"_With twenty-seven stitches in your head, cracked ribs and a broken wrist?" She gaped at him in disbelief. "You actually think that Vince or even Matt will go along with that?"_

"_It'll take some convincing but I think they'll be both see the benefits of doing it this way." _

"_What benefits?"_

"_Think about it." He smiled, rolling his eyes. "Matt turning on his wounded brother? The fans will hate his ass even worse than they would have if I were one hundred percent. Gives Vince his new mid-card heel without any possibility of some fans still popping for Matt." _

_She had to admit that his idea made sense business wise. But unfortunately, it was a short-term solution, which she had to make him see. "And that takes one episode of Raw to accomplish. Stills leaves you sitting at home for several weeks."_

"_Not necessarily." He countered quickly, "There's our angle. The fans are into it and if they were to drop it until I'm healthy enough to come back, they lose momentum. Vince knows all too well how fickle the fans are. He won't want to risk three months of plans just because I can't physically go." _

"_Ok, let me see if I have this straight. You're going to tell Vince to go ahead with Matt's scheduled heel turn and that you'll show up to Raw every week just to play the doting boyfriend to me?"_

"_In a heart beat." He nodded enthusiastically. "Keeps me on TV until I can find someway to get clearance." _

"_I guess it would." She agreed, studying him carefully. "And you'll be all right with it? Because most guys self esteem and ego would take a beating if they were facing the same situation."_

"_Trish, I'm not like most guys." Jeff reminded her with a wink, his lips curved in a devilish smirk. _

_She chuckled at that, "I know that but it's just hard to fathom that there's actually a guy out there who's not an egomaniac. I mean; most women hope they can find a guy like but never do."_

"_Well most guys want a woman who wakes them up in a hospital room with a kiss but they don't find her." His smirk grew wider as she blushed, "Thought I wasn't going to bring that up?"_

"_Hoping." She rolled her eyes, "Then again, I know you better than that so I was kind of expecting it. But I can explain-"_

"_Don't." He requested quietly, "I'd rather not know why because I have a feeling that it'll just give me more questions than answers." _

"_All right," Trish stood quickly, her face flaming with color, and smiled tightly down at him. The awkwardness had once again settled over her and she had to put some distance between them to recover from it. "I have to go find Matt and Amy. They're probably furious with me for not waiting for them." _

"_Thanks for being here." His words were sincere, earnest. "It means a lot to me."_

_She wanted to just brush it off but she couldn't. Leaning over him, she pressed a brief, light kiss to his forehead. "See you in a while."_

TBC?


	13. Epiphany

A.N: Sorry that this took so long but this part wasn't easy to write. I went back and forth on what should happen several times before deciding that the original idea was the right one.

_

* * *

_

_They finally got back to the hotel at four in the morning. Everyone was exhausted, well everyone except Jeff. He was wired from a mixture of being unconscious and the painkillers they gave him, proverbially bouncing off the walls. Since he was having trouble getting around because of his ribs, someone needed to stay with him and keep him from doing something he shouldn't. _

_Matt had offered to stay with his ailing brother. But from the fatigue etched on his face and the loud yawn that tumbled from his mouth, it was obvious that he wouldn't be able to hold off sleep for much longer._ _His offer was declined and he begrudgingly accepted, promising that he'd buy breakfast for all in the morning. _

_Amy was the next to offer her services. The only thing that prevented it from being taken up was the fact that she had a photo-shoot at eight in the morning. She protested that she could handle both and despite Matt's logical appeal, she refused to leave her friend's side. _

_Trish knew she had to do. She cleared her throat, gathering their attention, and volunteered to stay with the wounded Hardy. Amy asked her if she was sure and she said that it wasn't a problem since she had nothing until their flight left at one. The redhead reluctantly gave in, vowing that she owed her friend one. _

_She waved it off, wishing Matt and Amy a goodnight and watching as they disappeared into the adjoining room. A small trickled over her lips and she turned to her companion, forcing a smile for his benefit. "So, gimpy, what do you want to do?" _

"_You didn't have to stay with me." Jeff huffed, struggling as he tried to get off the bed, his labored breaths puffing out his cheeks. "I'm all right."_

"_If you're all right then I'm the Queen of the Nile." She rolled her eyes and held her hands out to him, "So be a good subject and allow the queen to help you up." _

"_This is a blow to my ego." He grumbled but took the help that was offered. _

"_Don't worry, my lips are sealed." She winked as she pulled him to his feet and released him once she was sure that he was steady. He chuckled and gingerly made his way over to the bathroom, heading inside. _

_When he shut the door, she expelled a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. She'd been fighting the urge to cry ever since she saw the ladder collapse. Until now, she had been winning. But she wasn't sure how much longer she could resist. She was emotionally and physically spent on top of being completely exhausted. That was a combination that rendered her carefully crafted control virtually useless. _

_But she didn't want to cry in front of him. _

_Jeff wouldn't brush her tears aside callously or allow her to lie about why they were falling. He'd press her for the truth, a truth that was far to complicated for her to even understand. And now was not the time to get into anything emotional. Not when she was drained and he was looped on painkillers. Who knew what could be said or what further strain it could cause to them? _

_It was much better for them both if she kept her composure and got them through the night without any emotional moments. She swallowed thickly and forced herself to breath evenly. But the pressure that lurked behind her eyes refused to ebb. With every tactic she tried to employ, it built. Her teeth clamped down on her lower lip and she tried to will the turbulent emotions away. _

_One tear slipped from her eye and cut a hot trail down her cheek. Her thumb hastily brushed it away and she blinked back the others that were threatening. She wrapped her arms around herself, fingers biting into her biceps in an attempt to distract her mind. _

"_Trish?" Jeff's gentle, melodic voice snapped her to attention and she turned her head to meet his gaze. He frowned slightly as he studied her, confusion painted on his face. "Is something wrong?"_

"_No." Her answer was timid, barely above a pained whisper and she felt betraying tears break free from her eyes. _

"_Are you crying?"_

"_My eyes are just watery," She denied with a shake of her head, "It's so stuffy in here…" _

_The look he gave her said that he wasn't fooled by her lie. His eyes narrowed, his gaze growing more inquisitive. "You sure about that?"_

"_Uh-huh." But more tears streaked paths down her cheeks, divulging the truth. _

"_Don't lie to me Trish." _

_An odd sense of déjà vu swept over her. Hadn't he said those same exact words to her earlier tonight? And hadn't they compelled her to give in, unburden her confusion about them? _

"_You are crying." He slowly closed the distance between them, his lips twisting in a small grimace with every step. "Tell me why."_

"_It's just been a long night." She tried to swallow the lump growing in her throat but couldn't and averted her gaze from his face. "And I'm tired-"_

"_That's not why you're crying." His hand cupped her chin and tilted her face up, so that he was staring into her teary eyes. "It may be part of the reason but it's not all of it. Maybe, if you tell me the whole reason, they'll stop." _

_Trish opened her mouth to toss another half-hearted lie at him but all that escaped was a gasping sob. She couldn't keep her emotions at bay anymore and stopped trying, giving into the violent storm raging inside of her. Her eyes slid shut and tears poured like rain from the closed lids. _

_Jeff's arms went around her and his hands rubbed soothing circles over her back. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head then drew back and tucked it beneath his chin. "Tell me what you have on your mind that's brought you to tears." _

"_I was just so scared when I saw the ladder give and your body crash to the mat." She got out around her sobs, clinging to him. "Then when Mike called for the paramedics…"_

"_I'm sorry that you were scared. But darlin', there's no need to cry for me." He released a strenuous breath, "I'm gonna be all right." _

_She heaved a sigh that turned into a hiccup, nodding a little. But despite his presence and his assurance, she couldn't stem the tears. More of them zigzagged down her face and dissolved into the thin cotton of his shirt. _

"_I promise next time I'm in a ladder match and the ladder takes a lot of abuse, I'll use the spare."_

_A shudder worked its way over her frame at his declaration. There would be many next times because the dangerous matches and crazy spots were what made him a superstar. Vince would put him in more high profile, dangerous matches that called for him to do crazy spots and he'd do them without question or concern for his well-being. He thrived off the oohs and aah's of the crowd and the adrenalin high that he got from performing his death-defying leaps. _

_This match gone wrong had put her through hell and she was only his friend. What would it be like to watch him take a fall if she was his girlfriend? How would she be able to cope if he ever really hurt himself? Could she handle the pain, the anguish of loving him and knowing that one wrong move could end career or even his life?_

_No, she couldn't. _

_If she gave into temptation and began a relationship with him, she could never handle the uncertainty or fear that came along with it. Even though she could understand the desire he held for his career, she could never understand or accept the risks he was willing to take or the fact that those risks didn't affect him like they did her. _

_Sniffling, she drew back and wiped her eyes. She took a step away from him and licked her dry lips. "You need to rest."_

"_I'm fine." Jeff reiterated firmly, his emerald gaze locked on hers. _

"_You can tell yourself that but I know you're not. Beside, we have a one o' clock flight and a plane won't be very comfortable to sleep on with your maladies." _

_He sighed heavily, shaking his head, "Why do you always do this?"_

"_Do what?"_

"_Create an obstacle to come between us when we're close?" _

_Her eyes widened. "I don't create an obstacle…"_

"_Yes, you do." His voice was soft but firm, not to be argued with. "Ever since the night I told you how I felt, you come up with excuses to push me away. And I want to know why?" _


	14. Proving His Point

**Author's Note: Sorry that it took me so long to get this part done. I'm just getting settled in my new house and I'm stillwithout a computer of my own, so I don't get to write as often as I'd like to. I can't promise that the next update will be out sooner but I can tell you that I plan to finish this fic, even if it takes me a while.**

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_She swallowed thickly and wrapped her arms around herself. Her mouth opened but the words wouldn't form so she quickly closed it again. She wasn't trying to be difficult or avoid the question. The reason she was silent was because she honestly couldn't give him an answer._

_How did you tell someone that you cared about that the idea of being with them scared you and not have it hurt them? And if there was a way to do it, did you have to do it quick like ripping off a band-aid? Because when it came to taking off a band-aid she tended to take the wimp's way out and soak it in water until it just fell right off-_

_"Trish," Jeff's tone was imploring, almost desperate, as it brought her out of her jumbled, slightly rambling thoughts. "Just tell me. I need to know, even if it's something that you think I won't want to hear."_

_She stared at him, wondering how he'd react if she told him the truth. He wasn't always easy to read. Even though he was known as being laid-back, he did have some unusual mood swings at times. Factor in the painkillers he was on for his injuries and it made his reaction even more unpredictable. While she knew that he would never put his hands on her, she was still scared of him reacting badly._

_What if he got angry?_

_Could either one of them handle an argument after everything they had been through that night?_

_Would he understand her reasons when she explained them?_

_Or would he just say the hell with it and walk away from her?_

_Where would that leave their friendship?_

_She pursed her lips, making up her mind. Telling him tonight was not an option. It would be better if they talked about this some other time or better yet, never. "It's not important."_

_"It is to me." He insisted, his eyes locking on hers. "I need to know why every time we get close, you push me away. If it's something I'm doing…"_

_"It's because I'm scared." The words that came from her mouth were a soft, broken whisper that she could barely hear above the pounding of her heart._

_"Scared," He let out a slow breath and nodded, obviously steeling himself. "What are you scared of?"_

_"You." Her admission was quiet and she lowered her head, not wanting to see whatever expression crossed his features._

_Silence blanketed them for a moment that felt like an eternity. The fact that he hadn't immediately responded to her declaration meant that it had thrown him and he was trying to collect himself before continuing with this conversation. She wanted him to respond and soon. The tension in the air was thick, almost suffocating. She could feel his gaze against her flushed skin and it was an unnerving sensation._

_She heard him exhale roughly and the fabric of his clothes rustle as he shifted slightly, a sure sign. A chill ran down her spine as she realized what was coming and that there was no way to keep him from finishing this discussion. The proverbial can of worms had been opened and there was no way to get them back into their tin confines…_

_He cleared his throat with an exaggerated cough then asked the question she had been expecting but dreading. "Why?"_

_It was only one word, one tiny question but it made her tremble. The only answer she could give him was the truth and it would expose the vulnerability she tried so hard to conceal. She drew in a deep, ragged breath and closed her eyes. "Because I'd always be worried about you. In the ring, there's no chance you won't take even if that means injuring yourself."_

_"And?" He prodded knowingly, his eyes studying her intently._

_"And out of it…" She trailed off helplessly, shaking her head._

_"Out of it, I'm exactly the same." He finished for her, his tone soft but flat, as if he had heard that reason for rejection many times before and come to accept it. "It's ok. I understand…"_

_"No, you don't because that's not what I was going to say." She forced herself to meet his gaze, needing to clarify it for him. "Out of the ring, we live in two different countries or did you forget that Toronto isn't in the States?"_

_"So?"_

_"It's almost impossible to maintain a long distance relationship."_

_He shook his head, rolling those brilliant green orbs for added emphasis. "It is almost impossible unless the people in the relationship really want to make it work."_

_"It's not that easy,"_

_"It would be for us." His statement was flat, honest but determination shone in the emerald pools of his eyes. "We've got an advantage because most of the people who are in long distance relationships don't get to see each other five days a week due to work."_

_"Even if they did, I don't think that most people wouldn't be gossiped about relentlessly at their job like we would be." Trish pointed out quickly, not wanting him to forget what that would mean to them and their careers. "Everything we did, every look we exchanged would be scrutinized and then exaggerated until the stories were out of control and completely insane."_

_"So what?" In typical Jeff fashion, he dismissed the problem with a wave of his hand, like it was nothing to waste a second thought on. "Who cares what people say? All they can do is talk and you know why they talk? Because they're jealous."_

_"But I'd prefer that my private life isn't the topic of conversation."_

_"Then we'd keep it low key." He shrugged, wincing slightly at the movement. "Act like nothing's changed between us…"_

_"Oh yeah," She couldn't help but chuckle bitterly at the notion, "hiding a relationship is the perfect solution. Couldn't possibly add any stress or cause strain to it."_

_"Why are you getting mad? Is it because you don't like the idea of hiding a relationship?" He inquired, eyes narrowing. "Or because you don't like the fact that I'm tearing down every obstacle you've built up?"_

_An exasperated sigh tumbled over her lips. His relentless questioning was not something she wanted to deal with anymore. A dull but persistent throb started in her temples and she brought her fingers up to the area, rubbing slow, soothing circles over the flesh to make the pain ebb. "Jeff,"_

_"Don't deny it." He intoned with a smirk. "I'm getting to you."_

_"Ok, you are getting to me. But not in the way you intended to."_

_His brow lifted, "Really?"_

_"Yeah, all this is doing is giving me a headache." She rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to laugh at the incredulous look on his face. "I'm going to get some aspirin."_

_As she turned to go, he caught her arm and pulled her to him. She looked up at him in surprise and saw the devilish grin twisting his mouth and the mischievous glint in his emerald eyes. "What…"_

_"I have something that'll cure your 'headache' and it's better than aspirin."_

_A shudder worked its way down her spine and goose bumps rose on her flesh. She couldn't help but whimper when his good hand left her arm and cupped her chin. Her throat constricted in a hard swallow as his lips began to incline toward hers. Her breath caught in her throat as the lush fullness of his mouth fused over hers and lines of electricity crackled through her body, igniting the desire she had been fighting so hard against._

_She returned his fervor, kissing him as passionately as he was kissing her, her hands winding in his multicolored locks. His tongue swiped across her lower lip, seeking permission to deepen the already fervent lip lock as his injured arm came to rest against the base of her spine. Her lips parted of their own accord, granting his request, and her eyes slid shut in submission. His tongue possessively entered her mouth and seductively stroked against hers, refusing to allow her not to participate in the furtherance of it._

_His kiss was intoxicating, intense and made her head spin. Her lungs burned with the need for oxygen but she didn't break away from him. She whimpered into his mouth, clutching tighter to him. Her knees buckled slightly and he drew back, leaning his forehead against hers. Their loud, erratic breathing filled the room, seeming to echo off the hotel walls and slam into them._

_"Can you honestly tell me that felt wrong?" Jeff's question sounded like a dare, like he was just waiting to swoop in and kiss her senseless again to prove his point to her._

_"I-I-I," She trailed off as his mouth closed over hers once again._


	15. Shattered Illusions

_That was the beginning. But not the one she had been hoping for or expecting. It was the beginning of the end. Too bad she didn't realize it until it was too late to do anything about it._

_The first month and a half of their relationship was perfect. They were completely happy and it looked like they had a bright future ahead of them. Jeff and her were clicking on a level that shocked her and they both decided to keep their newfound relationship between them. Oh sure people suspected that they were more than just friends because of the way heir onscreen relationship sizzled and all the time they spent together off screen. But there was no proof, so it remained nothing more than idle gossip._

_In a blink of an eye, things started changing._

_After the doctor cleared him to start wrestling again, his behavior changed. Jeff started showing up late to TV and when he finally did make an appearance, he'd be spaced out and looked exhausted. He'd blow off house-shows, making up ridiculous excuses as to why he missed them. In the ring, his performance was sloppy, lethargic and uninspired. When someone would try to talk to him about the quality of his matches, he'd roll his eyes and disappear until it was time to leave the arena._

_The rumors about his sudden change in behavior rampantly swirled around the backstage. She refused to believe that there was an ounce of truth to them. After all, Jeff wasn't the type of guy who'd do drugs. Sure he was different, unique and abstract but he was also smart enough to know how dangerous and addictive drugs were and what they did to you. So he'd never touch them and do anything to jeopardize his life, she told herself._

_The night she found him passed out in their hotel room and had a hard time waking him should have been enough to convince her that there was a problem. But it didn't. Because when she finally did wake him, he told her that his insomnia had been acting up and he had taken a couple of pills so he could get some rest. He promised that he'd be more careful next time it was acting up and apologized for scaring her. So she wrote the incident off as nothing more than a silly accident._

_From that point on, denial became her best friend. When she walked into the locker room and found him smoking a joint with Rob, she believed him when he said that he was only doing it to mellow out since he was on edge about his upcoming match. He'd go MIA for days on end but she'd always buy his excuses when he'd finally show up, paler and so wired that he couldn't even sit still. She'd nod her agreement with him when he claimed that the reason he was losing weigh every week was due to stress._

_But when he failed a drug test and was suspended for thirty days, she couldn't deny the truth any longer. The man she loved was an addict and needed help, before he killed himself. Unfortunately, she couldn't tell him that. His moods had become so unpredictable and changed so suddenly, that talking to him about anything, even if it was something stupid, was like walking through a minefield. But other people did try. His family and friends tried to get him to understand that he was in trouble. The outcome was always the same; he'd bite their heads off and cut them out of his life._

_Most women would've given him an ultimatum or just left, but not her. She continued to stick by him, pretending that things were fine between them even though they weren't. The month that he was serving his suspension was hell on her. She missed him but mostly when she thought about him sitting home alone, she was scared. The fear that someone would find him dead of an overdose kept her nerves on edge._

_Her nerves were so bad that she'd get sick to her stomach and fine tremors constantly raced through her hands. She called him constantly to check up on him and offer to spend her days off with him. His answer never changed. He'd tell her that she didn't have to then abruptly end the call, always with some lame, unbelievable excuse._

_It went on like that for weeks. It killed her to know that he was so far gone that he was pushing her away. However, she was determined to help him. She spent hours online; researching every rehab facility in North Carolina until she found the one she thought would be the right one for him. Once she found that, she started putting together a plan to approach the only person she knew could help, Matt._

_On the morning of April twenty-second, she woke up and decided to respond to the fans on her message board. It had been a while since she had interacted with them and she felt bad about it. But for some strange reason, she ended up at instead of her website. Once there, she could only stare in open-mouthed disbelief at one of the headlines._

_"The WWE has severed its relationship with Jeff Hardy. We wish Jeff luck in all future endeavors."_

_She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. This was bad. The notice was brusque, abrupt and terse. They never usually used the word severed in release notices, always trying to make the firing appear amicable. Whatever happened or whatever conversation took place between the WWE and Jeff was bad enough that the company felt it didn't need to extend that courtesy to him. So the only question was, what happened?_

_There was only one way to find out. Her hands shook as she retrieved her cell phone and dialed Jeff's number. She held her breath as it rang on the other end. No one answered though. She left him a message on his answering machine, imploring him to call her back right away._

_But he didn't._

_Not that day or that night. There was no call the next day or the day after either. Time continued to pass without a word from him. He never called her again. Not even to officially end their relationship._

Shaking her head, Trish came back to the present. Hurriedly, she wiped at her eyes. She couldn't afford to let anyone know that she had been crying. It was bad enough that she had spent almost the entire Smackdown tapings locked in a bathroom stall and would have to answer enough questions about that. But if anyone realized she was emotional, the questions wouldn't end there. They'd press for an answer and she wouldn't be able to give them one that they'd believe.

She opened the stall door and came out, checking her appearance in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed and the tip of her nose was slightly pink. She quickly splashed water on her face and dried it with a paper towel. It helped a little and she felt confident that she could probably steer her friends away from the truth. If not, she'd just say that she ate something that didn't agree with her.


	16. Filling in the blanks

Trish could feel Ashley's eyes on her as they drove from the arena to the hotel they were staying at. The former diva search winner had been casting the same worried glance at her since she returned from the bathroom and she did her best to act like everything was fine. But obviously, her friend could tell that it wasn't and wanted to know what was wrong. It was disconcerting and she tried to keep her focus on the road in front of her so she wouldn't have to answer any of the questions that the younger woman wanted to ask, even though she knew she'd have to sooner or later…

Ashley shifted in her seat and she knew that the question and answer session was apparently going to start now. The blonde girl chewed her lip for a moment, debating and then volleyed her first question. "So, you ok?"

"Uh-huh." She murmured but it was distracted, not at all convincing.

"You sure?" Her tone indicated that she knew her friend's answer was a lie and wasn't about to let the subject rest. "Because you were gone forever then when you came back, you were really quiet. Like something had happened or you had something on your mind."

"Ash," She forced a smile to her lips, "I'm fine, just tired. You know how it is being on the road all week then doing TV. Wears you out."

"Tired? That's all it is?" She pressed, "Your preoccupied mood has nothing to do with your new angle?"

She groaned, wishing that her friend didn't know her so well. "Ok, maybe it has a little to do with that."

"Matt filled me in when you went to the bathroom. Said that you were apprehension about working with Jeff again because of how it turned out last time."

"Oh."

"And I think he's right. You should come to the party and talk to Jeff, face to face. Maybe when you see how good he's doing…"

"He's doing good?"

"Yeah, he is." She affirmed and you could hear in her voice that she was smiling. "Looks really great and is so excited to be coming back."

It sounded like a good sign but she knew first hand how quickly things changed with him and how he felt. But something about that statement bothered her, so she had to explore it further. "What about his girlfriend? How's she taking it?"

"What girlfriend?" The confusion was evident in her tone.

"Christine." Her companion grew quiet, which was very unlike her. That made Trish really curious and she decided to probe the relationship more. "Let me guess, she doesn't share his opinion?"

Ashley sighed, "She's just not a factor in this."

"Why not?"

"They broke up a while ago." Was the quiet response, "And believe me, it was for the best."

"When did they break up?"

Silence settled over them for a minute, heavy and tense. She could hear her friend shift uncomfortably in her seat and drum her fingers against the dashboard. That was a sure sign that there was more to the story and whatever it was, wasn't good. For a minute, she wondered if she should just leave it alone but she knew that she couldn't. If she had to deal with Jeff then she needed to know everything, no matter how unpleasant it might be.

"Ash…"

"I don't know if it's something I should talk about."

Her eyebrows rose as her suspicion was confirmed. She tightened her hands on the wheel and braced herself for whatever horror story her friend was holding onto. "I won't tell anyone. It's between you and me."

"Well, you know that they always had a rocky relationship-"

She nodded in confirmation, trying to keep a scowl off her face. "That's putting it mildly."

"It got worse when they got back together once Jeff left the WWE." The younger diva confided in a hushed tone, as if she was afraid someone would overhear. "A lot worse."

"Worse how?"

"Well," Again, she paused then heaved a weighty sigh. "Most of this, I got from Matt but given what I saw once him and I started dating, I know that it's true."

A shuddered worked its way down her spine but she ignored it, "Go on."

"You know why Jeff was fired right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Matt told me that once Jeff and Christine got back together, she helped his problem progress to another level." Ashley hedged and from the corner of Trish's eye, she saw her friend swallow thickly and tuck an errant piece of hair behind her ear. The younger girl closed her eyes, like she didn't want to see the reaction to the news. "She introduced him to some pretty serious stuff-"

"Like what?" Trish interrupted, her entire body cold and her blood starting to turn to ice.

"No one knows for sure but Jeff and he would never admit to anyone what he was on. But everyone knows that it was a hell of a lot more serious than the pills and pot he got fired for."

"How?"

"Because his behavior and mood swings started to scare everyone. Matt, Shane, Shannon and even his dad were petrified that they'd go to his house some day and find him dead. They wanted to do something to stop him, so Matt started pushing him toward going to TNA."

"Did it work?"

"It seemed to be working. The first two months, he was doing really well. Him and Christine had broken up again and he was staying clean…" The former diva search winner trailed off, chewing on her lower lip.

She knew what was coming and decided to say it for her friend. "But-"

"But then they got back together and it all went to hell again. He would show up late or not at all and blew off everyone's concerns." Ashley shook her head. "He was so screwed up that she started taking control of his life. She wouldn't allow him near his family and friends who wanted him to get help. Told him that they were just trying to sabotage their relationship and that if he loved her, he wouldn't bother with them."

"Jesus." Trish mumbled; blown away by the level of destruction his life had been in. It was scary to think that someone could lose themselves so completely that they'd allow a person who didn't really have their best interests at heart to control their lives. "Please tell me that he realized that she was wrong…"

"I wish I could but I can't." She admitted tightly, "He did what she wanted, cut everyone but her and her drug dealer friends out of his life. TNA started to notice that his eccentric behavior was more than just Jeff being Jeff and that when he did show up, he wasn't in any condition to be in a ring. So they suspended him for thirty days, hoping he'd come to his senses and realize that he was in danger of losing his job."

"Did it work?"

"No but they thought that just because he was showing up early and appeared to be in the right frame of mind that it did. So they let him go back to work." Even though she couldn't see it, she knew that Ashley had rolled her eyes. "It didn't last long though. Pretty soon he was back to showing up late and so high that he couldn't even stand up."

Goosebumps had blossomed on her skin and she could feel the hairs on her arms and the nape of her neck were standing. Even though she had a pretty good idea of what she was going to hear, she couldn't stop herself from prodding for confirmation. "What happened then?"

"When he didn't show up for the Pay-per-view and they couldn't get a hold of Jeff, they called Matt. I was with staying him for Thanksgiving so we went over to Jeff's house and banged on the door. No one answered. He looked in the window and noticed that the place was trashed. Matt was worried that someone had broken in or that there had been a fight. He told me to stay there and he went around to the back door; forced his way in."

She licked her suddenly dry lips and wanted to tell her friend not to say anything else, but she couldn't find her voice. It had fled when the cold dread had taken over in the pit of her stomach and moved to paralyze every inch of her body.

"I'll never forget his face when he came running out the front door and told me to call an ambulance." Ashley's voice was distant, as if she was no longer aware that she was telling the story to someone but recounting it aloud to herself. "The EMT said that Jeff was lucky, that had Matt found him any later he would have died."

Trish jerked the car over to the side of the road and cut the engine, closing her eyes. Even though her friend couldn't say it, she knew what Matt had found in that house. Jeff had overdosed and nearly killed himself.

"When he was in the hospital, once he regained consciousness, we found out that how it happened. Christine and her friends decided to throw a sampling party, with his money of course. He couldn't remember what he had taken and that scared him." There was an audible gulp, "But that's what made him finally decide that he had to get control of his life back and he knew that there was only one way to do it. So when the hospital released him, he went straight to rehab for three months."

"What happened to Christine?" She croaked out, her voice thick and raspy from non-use.

"Jeff got out of rehab and was determined to make sure that the things that anything that tempted him was out of his life. He went back to his house, packed her stuff and kicked her out. Told her that if she ever contacted him or tried to insert herself back into his life that he'd tell the cops where and from who he got the drugs." Ashley cleared her throat and came out of her daze, squeezing Trish's arm. "Ever since that day, Jeff's life has been a hell of a lot better."


	17. Taking Action

Trish sat out on the balcony of her hotel room, eyes fixed to the brilliant night sky. But she wasn't lost in the dazzling beauty of the clear, star streaked canvas. She was lost in thought, trying to process all that she had found out. While she was happy that Jeff was doing so well, she was still worried. The idea of seeing him, after all these years, was almost terrifying.

There was so much history there. Some of it was good and some wasn't. Then there were those old, lingering emotions that seeing him again would inevitably dredge up. No matter how hard she tried to bottle them up, they were always there and lurking just under the surface. But it was normal that there'd be some residual feeling. Due to his abrupt disappearance from her life, there was no closure in their relationship.

They never got to officially break-up. Because of that, it made it harder for her to understand. Not harder to understand that the relationship was over. That was crystal clear to her. What she didn't understand is why he felt it was all right to vanish completely. Didn't he think that he owed her more than that? Why didn't he ever call to tell her that they were over? If he didn't want to call her, why didn't he write her an infamous Dear John letter?

She wanted the answers to those questions but she couldn't bring herself to initiate getting them. It was easier to blame him completely for the demise of their relationship than to admit that after he was fired, she didn't make any real attempts to contact him. Oh she'd start to make an effort but never finished it. There were so many times that she picked up the phone and dialed his number but she always hung up before it rang. Hell, she even wrote him a letter but never mailed it.

Because part of her was afraid of what he'd say. So it was easier to just bury everything deep inside of her and pretend like nothing had happened between them. That he was nothing more than someone she once worked with. Just another of the many people she had been thrown into a storyline with. Not a friend and definitely not a boyfriend. When she was asked about him, she always called him an acquaintance.

For three years, it worked. She went on with her life as if he had never been apart of it. But now, he was coming back. They were going to be thrust into an angle again. It was going to be too hard to keep up the charade. Sooner or later something would be said, either accidentally or purposefully. When that happened, the whole ugly past would be laid before them to deal with.

She pushed shaking hands through her hair and released a breath. The idea of things boiling over at an arena or hotel, where their co-workers would overhear then gossip mercilessly about it, didn't appeal to her. When it came to her private life, she preferred to keep it to herself and not air her business in public. So if she wanted to keep from becoming this year's Amy then there was only one thing she could do…

Go to Matt's party and confront him.

The idea caused a chill to run down her spine and goose bumps to rise on her flesh. Her stomach churned anxiously and her throat tightened considerably. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm her suddenly shaky nerves. It was a futile effort. Deep down, she knew that she wouldn't be calm or in control again until she was walking out Matt's front door and leaving the past behind her.

* * *

Trish watched the sun break through the sky then started to prepare for the day. She took a long shower and got dressed. Then she repacked her clothes, tossed her bag over her shoulder and headed down to check out. After calling and waking up Ashley, she waited in the hotel restaurant for her. While waiting for her friend, she placed their order and eagerly sipped her coffee.

Ashley arrived at the same time her breakfast did and the younger diva arched an eyebrow in confusion as she dropped tiredly into the awaiting chair. "Do I even want to know why you're up this damn early?"

"I'm going to Cameron with you." She informed the other woman without preamble, settling back into her chair with a discontent sigh. "If I don't talk to Jeff now then when we start our angle, there's going to be unneeded tension and awkwardness."

"Ok but was this really a reason to drag me out of bed at seven-thirty in the morning?" Ashley questioned, her brows knitted together in disbelief. "It couldn't have waited until later?"

"No, it couldn't."

"Why not?"

She took a deep breath and released it slowly, "Because if I don't leave now, I'll have time to think about this some more. Then I'll change my mind and the very thing I'm trying to avoid will end up happening."

"You serious?" Ashley inquired, a disbelieving note in her voice. "You really want to go right now?"

"If I'm going to go through with this; I have to."

The other girl studied her carefully for a few seconds then rolled her eyes. She let out an overly loud puff of air, "I'm going with you."

"You don't have to-"

"I don't?" A grin spread across the diva's face. "How are you going to get into Matt's house? Got a set of keys? Know his dad well enough to hang out there until we get into town?"

"Ah…" She pretended to frown in defeat. "Ok, so I was wrong and you do have to come with me. But do me a favor and try not to take forever like you usually do. The longer I'm left here with my thoughts, the more likely I am to hop on a plane back to Toronto."

"Can I at least take a fast shower and put on clean clothes?"

"Ash, you're idea of a quick shower is never under a half an hour long." She rolled her eyes. "And don't bother to deny because I share a room with you and have witnessed it."

"Fine, I'll wait to shower until we're Matt's. But I'm changing my clothes…"

Trish interrupted her, her tone slightly exasperated but pragmatic. "What's the sense in changing if you're not showered? Plus, you know that you're going to fall asleep on the plane. Do you really want to dirty and wrinkle up an outfit just for a three hour plane ride?"

"Ugh, you better be glad that you're my best friend."

"I am." She pushed her plate away and got out of her seat, staring expectantly at her younger friend.

Ashley groaned and stood up, stretching leisurely. "Since you're little miss ambitious and I'm still in sleep mode, you're driving to the airport. Oh and you have to let me lean my head on your shoulder while I sleep on the plane."

"Fine by me."

"Then what are we waiting for?" The diva search winner posed rhetorically. "Cameron North Carolina, here we come!"

Once again, a shiver ran down Trish's spine. But this time, a gnawing pit of dread in her stomach accompanied it. She did her best to ignore it and followed her friend out of the hotel and into the sunny morning.


	18. Unbalanced

Trish stared out the window at the unfamiliar scenery and heaved a sigh. From the window in Matt's guest bedroom, she could see a vast majority of the Cameron countryside. Trees, grass and houses dotted the landscape. While it was beautiful, seeing it again was a bit disconcerting. The last time she had been in the small town was that fateful night when Jeff professed his feeling for her.

There was an eerie sense of déjà vu laughing at her back. Although this was a different house and life had changed considerably, she felt like she had been here before. Battling uncertainty. Trying to figure things out. Not knowing what to do or say. Wishing that she hadn't agreed to try this…

But it was too late to change her mind and escape from there unnoticed. People had already started to arrive at Matt's for the party. She watched them trickle in and the volume on the stereo had risen considerably. Every now and then, she could voices but couldn't make out who they belonged to. Ashley dropped by the room about fifteen minutes ago and told her to come down but she had yet to leave the safety of the guest room because she was scared.

Jeff could already be there and she wasn't ready to see him yet.

Just as she thought that, she heard footsteps outside the room. The door opened and her wide, frightened eyes swung toward it. She heaved a sigh of relief as Ashley once again bounded into the room, cups in each hand. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking two at the same time?"

"This is for you," The hyper diva thrust one cup toward her and took a substantial drink from the other one. She made a face as whatever was in the cup was swallowed and drew in a quick breath before continuing. "If you won't join the party then I figured I'd bring the party to you."

"I'm going to join it…" She hedged tentatively, digging her nails into her palms. "I just wasn't sure what to wear. If it's going to end up outside then I've got to reconsider what I'm wearing because the bugs down here can eat you alive."

Ashley's look said she wasn't fooled by the excuse. "We do have bug spray and before you start about how bad it smells, this one doesn't."

"Oh. That's a good thing to know." She took the cup from her friend and took a long drink from it as a distraction.

The strong tang of alcohol caused her to grimace but she drank more of it. Whatever the concoction was, it was potent. She really wasn't much of a drinker and could feel the powerful drink already starting to go to her head. But that night, she needed something to give her the courage to face her ex.

She could feel the studious gaze that was trained on her. Ignoring it, she took repeated sips from the cup and returned her gaze to the window. But the pointed throat clearing drew her attention back to the taller girl. "What?"

"I know the real reason you're hiding out."

Finishing her drink, her eyebrow rose. "I'm not hiding out."

"Staying low-key, observing the scene from a distance." A dismissive hand was waved negligently. "Whatever. There's no need for it. Jeff's not here yet."

"So?"

Ashley laughed, linking her arm through hers and tugging her toward the door. "So, you need another drink and all the alcohol is downstairs. Let's go join the party!"

"Never let it be said that you give up easily." She laughed, letting herself be pulled from the shelter of the room.

The music was louder in the hall, so weren't the voices. Her friend led the way down the stairs, bobbing her head in time with the heavy beats of the rock music blaring through the speakers. They ended up at Matt's makeshift bar and the diva search winner took the liberty of playing bartender, whipping up another strong drink.

"To the night of our lives!" Ashley tapped her cup then dove into her drink.

Trish nodded and took a deep breath, cautiously sipping the latest alcoholic concoction being foisted on her. Her eyes watered as the powerful taste overwhelmed her senses but she refused to set it down and forget about it. She needed to be numb and relaxed. A couple more sips of the intense would definitely accomplish that mission.

"Hey!" Ashley called out, waving someone over.

"Ladies!" Shane Helm's voice rang in her ears and his arm slid around her shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze. "How can I be of service?"

"Well, I need to go help Matt set up the grill." Ashley chuckled at the dirty look she was being given. "Think you can handle playing bartender and keep Trish company until she feels like mingling or I get back?"

"I'll try." He assured her and watched as the diva bounced away. When she was out of sight, he turned toward her and took the strong drink out of her hands. After sniffing it, he made a face and shook his head. "I can't let you drink anymore of that. Your organs will evaporate."

She laughed genuinely, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Thanks, it was a little…"

"Rancid?" He offered with a knowing grin. "But never fear, Shane's here and he can tend a mean bar. So pretty lady, what's your pleasure?"

"Surprise me."

He winked at her then got to work, pouring things into a cup then tossing some ice in there. With a smile of confidence, he handed her the glass. "And please remember to tip your bartender generously."

"If it's good." She giggled and took a sip.

It wasn't as overpowering as the drinks Ashley had made and it went down smoother but she had no doubt that it was just as potent. One sip and she felt ward all over. However, unlike the previous drinks there wasn't a bitter aftertaste. So she drank more, not realizing that she had drained her cup.

"What's the verdict?"

"It was really good." She slid her glass to him. "How about you make me another one then tell me what it is?"

"I'll make you another one but I can't tell you what it is, family secret."

"As long as you keep them coming, we won't have a problem."

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Trish stopped dancing, trying in vain to catch her breath and stop her head from spinning. But for some reason she couldn't understand in her intoxicated state, staying still only made it worse. She fanned herself frantically with her hand, feeling like she was on fire.

"You all right?" Shane practically yelled his question so it could be heard over the chaos of the party.

"Yeah!" She called back then leaned in closer so he could hear her better. "But I'm going to go splash some water on my face."

"Ok but you might want to use the bathroom upstairs." He cautioned, "Because the last person I saw go into the one down here was Shannon."

She looked at him in disbelief and groaned. The last thing she wanted to do was have to climb two flights of stairs. "You know, we should keep him on a leash."

"Can't, he likes that too much."

"Way too much info." She held up her hands and started to make her way through the crowd.

It wasn't an easy task. The floor was completely packed with people who were dancing, drinking and talking or passed out. Every step she took, she had to find a way around another obstacle and avoid taking another elbow to the head, like she already had. By the time she made it to the stairs, her ears were ringing and her head felt like it was going to explode.

Climbing the stairs was something else that proved to be more difficult than usual. Her coordination was way off. She tripped over nothing and crashed into the banister but surprisingly didn't feel any pain. When she reached the top of the evil structure, she turned and stuck her tongue out at it in victory. Turning back to the doors in front of her, a wave of dizziness hit and she wearily leaned back against the railing in the hall.

"Trish?" A voice question hesitantly, as if the person was seeing a ghost.

She lifted her head and found herself staring into hypnotic emerald eyes full of shock and concern. Her gaze traveled over the rest of his face, drinking in the all too familiar features. They landed on his tempting lips and her heart constricted painfully. Heat pricked her eyes and water filled them up. A small tremor worked its way through her body and she swayed uneasily.

"Shit!" Strong hands closed around her upper arms and wrenched her away from the stairs. He pushed errant locks of hair out of her face and she saw the fear in his expression. His hand lingered at her cheek, not actually touching it but hovering over it protectively.

Her throat worked overtime to swallow because a lump was beginning to form in it. She was vaguely aware that he had just saved her from falling down the long, narrow stairs and probably breaking her neck. It would be polite to thank him for doing it but the shock robbed her of the ability to actually do it.

"Are you all right?"

Trish stared up at him, a myriad of emotions on her face. Her mouth opened and closed but no sound escaped. There was no way she could answer that. Because she wasn't all right and wouldn't be. Not until she found a way to put some distance between them.

"Trish," The sound of her name being recited in the sweet, slow, southern drawl of his was enough to make her shiver. He must have mistaken what her reaction meant because he tightened his grasp on her; obviously worried that was about to fall down on him. "Can you answer me darlin'?"

"No." She whispered brokenly, feeling the warmth of tears slide down her cheeks.

Jeff's thumb swiped at them, brushing them away from her flushed skin. He drew in a deep, unsteady breath and released it slowly. Her tears were falling in earnest now and pitiful, painful sobs tumbled over her parted lips. "Don't cry baby. Please don't cry. Tell me what's wrong."

"No." She repeated quietly, shaking her head vehemently. Her arms struggled to free themselves of his grip but couldn't. Gasping, broken sobs intensified and her chest heaved in effort to breath. His touch was burning her, forever imprinting her skin and she desperately wanted him to let her go.

"Please darlin'." He pleaded, caressing her bare shoulders.

Her mouth opened, the words she needed finally forming around her pathetic sobs. Just as she was about to demand that he let go of her, something hit her from behind and sent her flying into him. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was the necklace he wore. The silver cross she had given him for the only Valentine's Day they celebrated together.


	19. Confronting the past

A groan escaped Trish as bright, blinding light filtered in through her closed eyelids. Her head was killing and the last thing she needed was the insufferable luminosity making it worse. She tried to roll away from it but to no avail. It seemed to follow every move she made. Groaning again, she threw an arm over her eyes and took a deep breath, refusing to give into the day's demands that she wake up.

The door opened and someone padded into the room. They closed the door behind them quietly but due to the headache destroying her tortured head, it sounded like someone slammed it. Her breath hissed out over her lips and she pulled a pillow over her face, trying to hide from the pain and whoever was in there with her. But the pounding in her head intensified as she tried to find sanctuary beneath the supple object. Obviously, there'd be no escape from the mother of all hangovers.

Muttering a curse, she shoved the pillow to the floor and sat up, her eyes reluctantly opening. Immediately, she regretted the action. The light burned, her stomach churned and a wave of dizziness hit her. She dropped her head into her hands and tried to reel in her shaky, uneven breaths. Silently, she vowed to never touch whatever the hell she drank last night again because it wasn't worth feeling like this again.

"Here." A gentle voice accompanied the hand that was held under her averted face.

At the sound, her head snapped up and she found his eyes. They were as green and compelling as ever but today, they lacked their usual sparkle. She swallowed thickly and gratefully accepted the aspirin being offered. Tossing them in her mouth, she made a face as the chalky taste took up residency. A bottle of water was thrust into her field of vision and she gratefully accepted it, swallowing it greedily.

After another sip, she handed the bottle back and sighed, "Thanks."

Jeff sat down on the edge of the bed and nodded. He didn't say anything, just studied her carefully. She knew him well enough to know that he was reading her, trying to find something to start small talk. The silence stretched on between them until it became disconcerting. Squirming uncomfortably, she hastily averted her eyes and he let out an overly loud breath.

She ran her hands through her hair, stopping abruptly when she felt a substantial lump on the back of her head. "What the hell?"

"That would be were the door hit you." He informed her, a slight curve to his lips. "Matt feels awfully bad about it though. He went out to buy breakfast to make up for it."

"What door?"

He nodded again, as if confirming something he suspected. "Last night's a little fuzzy huh?"

She glared at him and refused to answer that. He had lost the right to know anything about her personal life a long time ago. So what if he was currently taking care of her? One nice act wasn't going to make up for three long years of wondering, what ifs and pain. Hell, it didn't even make a dent in it but she really wanted to find out how a door had met her head. "Well, why don't you clarify it for me?"

"Shane said he sent you up here to use the bathroom because Shannon had claimed the downstairs bathroom as his own. You were pretty wasted. I came out of Matt's room and found you leaning against the railing, looking like you were about to pass out." He ran a hand roughly over his face and paused to catch his breath.

The look she gave him was expectant and he rolled his eyes before continuing with the tale.

"You swayed and almost fell down the stairs. So I grabbed you and dragged you away from them. We stopped in front of Matt's door. I asked you if you were ok but before you could answer, Matt decided to rejoin the party and threw open his door. It caught you in the head, you crashed into me then passed out."

She digested that with a grimace. At least she knew now that there was another reason for her head to feel that bad. But she hated that Jeff had not only saw her in that condition but got to play the good guy and keep her from tumbling down the stairs and breaking her neck. Something occurred to her and her eyes narrowed as she assessed him. "How'd I get back to the room?"

"I carried you."

"Why?"

He shot her a confused look, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you haven't given a damn about me in years." Trish told him flatly, bitterness laced in her voice. "So excuse me for wondering why you bothered now? Or did you just want to play the knight in shining armor?"

Jeff flinched visibly at her remark. He ragged in a deep breath and shook his head slowly, but it looked more like he was saddened by the accusation than he was denying it. But he didn't offer a verbal rebuttal or go on the defensive about his actions like he usually did.

And that made her angrier.

"Why?" She snapped, her eyes burning holes into him. "Figured time heals all wounds and that I wouldn't care that I was being forced to work with you again? That I'd just be happy that you finally got your shit together and forget the baggage between us?"

"No."

"Then why come back to Raw? Why not go to Smackdown or ECW?"

He was the one to look away this time, toying with something around his neck. She frowned watching him play with the silver chain he had tucked under his shirt, something gnawing at her. But she couldn't put her finger on why she was cared about it.

"I choose to go to Raw because it's where I want to be." He quietly informed her. "It wasn't my idea to restart our angle but I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't like the prospect of working with you again. Because I do and always will."

"Well, if you were hoping that history would repeat itself, don't." Trish's eyes were still locked on the link chain he was playing with, trying to recall something about it.

"I know." Jeff sighed, letting go of the chain and outing his hands on his knees. "I never wanted things to end up like they did. But I can't change the past, no matter how much I wish I could."

"That would have been a good thing to tell me three years ago."

"I tried." He closed his eyes; "I picked up the phone so many times to tell you how sorry I was. I'd dial your number but lose my nerve before it rang and hang up. The more time that passed, the more I figured that you wouldn't want to hear from me. So I stopped trying."

She balked at the flimsy excuse with an angry scoff. "You didn't think I'd want an explanation? That I would want to know why someone who worked so hard to get me just walked away like I was nothing?"

"You weren't nothing."

"Well, the way you treated me says otherwise. If you cared about me at all…"

"You were everything to me!" His voice was vehement, eyes flashing. "I loved you so fucking much that it scared me."

"W-w-what?" She stammered, her confusion genuine. "Why did it scare you?"

"Because I knew that once you knew the real me, you'd figure out that you deserved better and leave me."

Trish studied him carefully, still able to read his body language like an open book. His posture now told her that while what he said was true, there was more to it than that. A lot more. "I did know the real you Jeff."

"No, you didn't" He intoned firmly, "You knew the part of me that I let you see."

"What?"

"I've lived my life knowing that I'll always be second best. Never good enough for anyone who strived for perfection. I accepted it but it fucks with me. Long bouts of depression, insecurities that taunt me and I can't get rid of." He paused, drawing in a deep breath. "Being with you, it reminded me how worthless I was. How flawed and weak of a man I really am."

"Oh god." Her hands flew to her mouth. "That's why you started doing drugs!"

"No, you had nothing to do with that." Jeff told her flatly, without hesitation. "I was using drugs long before we were together."

"How long?"

"Three years."

His admission didn't surprise her as much as it should of. In fact, it clarified something for her. "The night of your party, you didn't disappear because you were upset about your break-up with Christine. You disappeared to get high."

"Yeah, I did."

"Is that the reason you told me how you felt?" Her voice hitched on the lump in her throat and she was fighting to hold back tears. "Because you were high?"

"No, because I wasn't high."

"But you said…"

"I said that I disappeared to get high. But I didn't because just as I was about to, I saw you going into the bathroom." He shook his head. "And I knew that if I wanted to have a chance with you, I couldn't be a worthless drug addict. So I quit."

"But you were getting high when we were together."

"Not at first. I was trying so damn hard to be someone you could be proud of being with. But there was always this little voice in my head, reminding me that it was a lie and you deserved the perfection I was incapable of." Jeff arched an eyebrow. "I knew that it was right so I started using again."

She stared at him in disbelief, "That's ridiculous. I didn't want perfection because it's an unrealistic, unattainable thing. Everyone has flaws, insecurities, secrets or scars from the past. That's what makes them unique and interesting."

He just shrugged, not looking at her. There was still more to the story he wasn't telling, more she knew that she needed to know. "What else was there?"

"I was so fucked up Trish." He sighed heavily, unconsciously twisting his hands. "You know how bad my mood swings were and how badly I started lashing out at people."

"Yeah, I do. It was one of the things that first clued me into the fact that there was something wrong."

"You don't know the things that went through my head, the images I'd get. I couldn't risk that they could happen. I just couldn't." There was a sadness in his voice that almost broke through her wall. "If I ever hurt you…"

"But you did."

"Emotionally, yes. Physically, no." Jeff swallowed thickly and she could see that his hands were shaking. "I left before I could."

Trish frowned as she processed that. Something was nagging at her, something she couldn't ignore anymore. "You left because you loved me and were scared of hurting me?"

"Yes."

"If you were so worried that you could hurt someone you loved, then how come you could get back together with Christine?"


	20. Explanations

Jeff took a moment before answering and she could see the emotions play over his expressive face. But the emotions that sprung to life at the mention of his ex-girlfriend weren't sorrow or longing. They were anger and disgust. He released a deep breath, knuckles white due to his clenched hands. "Christine didn't mean anything to me by that point. So I didn't give a damn if I hurt her."

"So she was what?" Trish questioned heatedly, one eyebrow arched in bitterness. She wouldn't let him off the hook that easily. Not after all the pain his choices had brought her. Maybe it was petty but "A means to an end?"

"She was the one who could score drugs. Told her dealer friends that they couldn't sell to me because they'd be risking their anonymity since I was famous. But she knew that I'd need them. Showed up at my house one day, dangled a bag in front of my face and offered me a deal." He said it flatly, no emotion behind the tale at all. "If I took her back, she'd get me whatever I needed or wanted. So I did."

She swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat at the woman's devious, repulsive antics. Her eyes found his and she was shocked at the emptiness of those usually captivating eyes. "But how could you let yourself be with her?"

"I wasn't."

"But you were…"

"Not in the ways that mattered."

"What do you mean?" She asked in confusion, studying him intently. "How can you be with someone but not be with someone?"

He gave a sad, bitter-skewed smile that sent chills up her spine. "We didn't have a relationship outside of our deal. Yes, she lived here and spent my money but that was all."

"Oh come on-"

"I'm serious Trish. There was nothing between her and I." He clarified firmly. "When she moved back in, I moved down into the basement. Slept on the world's most uncomfortable couch because I didn't want to be near or with her. The only time I was in her presence was when she had whatever drug I wanted."

It wasn't that she didn't believe what he was saying. Because she did. His words, his body language, his eyes all told her that he was serious. It just didn't make sense because of everything she heard from Matt and Ashley. "But someone said that at one point, she was controlling your life. That she cut you off from your family and friends and that you allowed her to."

"I did." He drew in a breath and released it slowly. "But not because I wanted to. I was too far gone to have the ability to stop her, to realize what damage the addiction was doing to my life."

"I heard that you… that you," She floundered, unable to say the word overdosed. So she quickly amended her statement in a pained whisper. "about what happened."

"What was that?"

She shook her head, tearing her eyes away from his. But his fingers slipped beneath her chin and drew her gaze back up to his. There was no force in his touch but the power of his green eyes made her unable to break free of it. His thumb gently swiped back and forth along the underside side of her chin, drawing goose bumps on her skin. "I-I-I heard that you- you,"

"Accidentally overdosed." Mutely, she nodded and swallowed thickly. He slowly shook his head but didn't release his grip on her. "It wasn't an accident."

Her blood turned to ice and a cold pit of fear spread through her stomach. She opened her mouth, to ask the question she was dreading but her vocal chords were frozen and unable to form the words. Maybe it was a blessing. Because she didn't know if the answer to her unasked question was one she really wanted to hear.

Unfortunately, Jeff didn't seem to be suffering with a similar affliction and continued on with his story. "It was intentional."

She felt the weight of that truth bearing down on her. Her body slumped, eyes welled with water so hot it nearly burned as it slipped out and down onto her skin. A gasping sob worked its way out of her paralyzed throat and fell between them, along with more tears.

"Don't cry for me darlin'," His fingers left her chin and slid to her cheek, lightly brushing away her tears. "I don't deserve it."

She reeled in a ragged, overly loud breath and stared at him. The pain she glimpsed on his face tore even more at her already broken heart. But she had to know what had brought him to that point in his life. "Why?"

"Same reasons anyone tried to kill themselves." His voice trembled with suppressed emotion and she felt a tremor run through him. "I didn't think I had anything left to live for. That I was a loser and a burden to the people I cared about. So I decided that it had to stop."

Her mouth moved soundlessly as she tried to formulate a sentence or a question but there were too many things going on in her mind to be able to come up with anything that would be coherent. She stared at him through blurry eyes and covered the hand that was brushing away her tears with her own. Gently she removed it from her face and threaded her fingers through his, giving them a squeeze as an offer of support.

"I planned it all out. Wrote notes to the people I cared about. Then, at her drug party, I put my plan in motion. Took enough drugs to bring down a horse." He blinked and she noticed the water that had collected in his eyes. "From that point on, I can't be sure if what I remember was real or hallucinations."

"She didn't try to help you?"

He shrugged, "I can't say for sure but she's not in any of the memories I have."

Trish took a deep breath, unsettled by the vivid mental images that had sprung to her mind but she couldn't stop. She needed to know what he had seen and thought about when he was waiting for his life to end. "What do you remember?"

"Being in pain, feeling so sick but trying to force myself not to give in." Jeff swallowed thickly, his thumb absently stroking the back of her hand. "I talked to my mother."

"What did you say to her?"

"I apologized for being a disappointment and for not being stronger. I told her how much I loved and missed her. That I'd be seeing her soon." He paused and she something flicker across his face.

She squeezed his hand again, reassuring and encouraging him, and tightened her fingers in his. "And then what happened?"

"I know that it wasn't real. That it was just the drugs fucking with me. That I probably wasn't even conscious." He stared off, eyes focused on something only he could see and the look on his face speculative. "But I heard a voice. Not just any voice. My mother's voice."

Chills worked their way through her body but she ignored them, knowing that the slightest hesitation would make him think that she couldn't handle this. "What was she saying?"

"She told me that everything would be all right. That she loved me and wasn't going to let anything happen to me. All I had to do was stay there with her."

Fresh tears blossomed in her eyes and she blinked to clear her vision. His gaze returned to hers and the smile that curved the lush fullness of his lips was peaceful. Green eyes were tranquil and serene as he continued. "I know it sounds crazy…"

"No, it doesn't." She shook her head vehemently. "It sounds beautiful."

"The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital and finding out that Matt had saved my life." He let go of her and shifted, putting space between them. "I knew then that I had a second chance at life and I refuse to make the same mistakes twice."

"Well, I'm glad that you're doing good."

"I may be putting things back on track but I wouldn't used the word good to describe where I'm at." He stared at her, his eyes searching. "How could I be doing good when I know how badly I hurt you?"

She sighed, feeling her heart constrict painfully. Her gaze wandered off his eyes and settled on the floor. This was territory she suddenly had no desire to tread into. Because then she'd have to admit that it still hurt her, that being there with him at that moment was like a dagger being stuck into an open wound. That no matter how much time elapsed, the way things ended between them would always hurt.

"I hope you know that I am sorry." His voice was earnest, full of pain as he spoke. "I don't expect you to forget what happened or even forgive me because I don't deserve it. But I hope that we can find some way to be able to work together."

"We don't have a choice." She whispered brokenly, thinking about the moment when she'd have to stand in the ring and allow herself to be kissed by him again. It would be hard not to get swept away in the lingering emotions or feel the intense pain that would come with the memories his touch invoked. "Vince is excited about this and won't change the storyline."

"I know." He was fiddling with the chain around his neck once again and she narrowed her eyes, once again feeling something tug at her memory.

Trish closed her eyes, concentrating hard. She saw a brief flash of herself falling forward into the silver cross she had given him. Her eyes snapped open and landed on the slight bump beneath his shirt. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Huh?" He blinked in confusion then realized what she was talking about. A sheepish look took up residency on his face. "Sorry, force of habit."

"Show me."

"Why?" He paled a little, eyes widening slightly, as all traces of the calm evaporated from his face. "I honestly didn't even realize that I was playing with it."

She had to know if that memory was right or if it was just a drunken mix-up. If he was still wearing her gift to him after all these years because if he was, she wanted to know why. "Just show me it."

He looked like he was going to argue against it then heaved a heavy, ragged sigh. His hand clasped the chain and pulled it out of his shirt. The all too familiar cross fell against his shirt and her eyes were riveted to it. Time hadn't tarnished or damaged it. It was still as pristine as the day she found it in the jewelry shop.


	21. Declarations

Trish's eyes were glued to the brilliant silver crucifix. Questions through her mind but they were too fleeting to grasp. Her finger caressed the cross, feeling the intricate cuts and curves of the precious metal. Beneath her touch, she could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest and every unsteady, shaky breath he reeled in. It was painfully that he was waiting on her reaction, fearful of what it might be.

Finding her voice, she forced her eyes off the piece of jewelry and brought them up to his captivating green irises. "You still wear it."

Jeff opened his mouth but must have changed his mind about what he was going to say because he closed it quickly. Under her scrutinizing gaze, he flushed slightly and offered a weak shrug.

"Why?" One question that was only three letters but was asking so much.

"Because you bought it." He admitted quietly, breaking eye contact. "And no matter what, that means something to me."

"You knew I'd be here." There was an accusatory note in her voice. "That's why you're wearing it."

"I heard that you might be here but that's not why I'm wearing it." He was stung by the insinuation, she could tell by the look on his face. "I always wear it. The only time that it's not around my neck is when I have a match."

He wasn't lying, even though she wished he did. It would hurt less that way. She heaved a sigh and struggled to accept the honesty being laid before her. Releasing the cross, she got off the bed and crossed over to the window, ignoring the nausea and intense headache. Looking out the window, she didn't even register the spectacular view or picture perfect day. The only reason she had gone over there was because she needed space.

"Trish, darlin, I didn't plan this if that's what you're thinking. If anything I planned the exact opposite."

"What?"

"When Matt told me that you might be coming, I decided that I'd put in a quick appearance then take off without ever seeing you. But Matt and Ashley's disagreement screwed that up. I couldn't let Matt stay mad for something stupid, not when Ashley's the best thing that's happened to him in the last couple of years."

"I don't think that all of this was some elaborate set-up." She closed her eyes and wearily leaned her forehead against the glass. "But I don't understand why you came back here this morning when you could have let me believe that seeing you was some drunken hallucination."

His hand touched her shoulder and she jumped at the unexpected contact, but made no move to escape it. "Could you please look at me?"

She did as he asked and turned. Her eyes caught the emotional emerald of his and she waited to hear what he had to say.

"I didn't leave last night. I couldn't just walk away knowing that you were lying there hurt. So I stayed in the room with you, in the chair, in case you needed someone."

A smile curved her lips and she couldn't suppress it because it was vintage Jeff. "That's right. A perfect southern gentlemen can never ignore a woman in distress."

"No," His voice had an authoritative ring to it. "That's not why I stayed here with you."

"It's probably not the only reason. I'm sure that the fact that we used to be friends also played a part in it."

His gaze was narrowed and searching as it scanned over her face. She fought to keep her expression neutral. A few moments later, he looked away and shook his head. "Trish, you know that's not why I,"

"I appreciate it." She said quickly, cutting him off before he could say something she didn't want to hear. "But I'm all right now. So you can go if you…"

"I'm not going anywhere." He stubbornly folded his arms across his chest and pinned her with a hard look. "The reason that I couldn't leave is because I still lo-"

"Jeff don't!" She blurted out almost hysterically, her heart hammering painfully in her chest.

Her desperate plea wounded him; it was plainly evident on his face. But she knew from his stance and past experience that just because she wanted him to, he wasn't going to back down on this.

"Why not?"

Trish took a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to regain her lost composure. When she felt her control begin to piece itself back together, she gave him the only response that she could. "It might be better to leave certain things unsaid and a particular can of worms closed."

"No," Jeff intoned firmly. "Been there. Done that. Lost everything because of it."

She needed to get away before he managed to say whatever it was that he was so determined to vocalize. Frantically, she tried to think of an excuse. But none were forthcoming because her mind was frozen in fear.

"I still love you." His voice was earnest, sincere and shredded her heart. "And I know that I'm always going to."

There it was, the one thing that she had been terrified of having thrown at her feet. Those words brought back all the pain and uncertainty that she had bottled up three years ago. It hurt so bad that it was literally hard for her to breathe.

"I understand why you don't want to hear it. What I did to you, to us, was inexcusable and I can never make up for that. But I didn't tell you because I'm expecting,"

"Stop." Her plea came out broken and strangled because a massive lump had taken up residency in her throat. "Please just stop."

He raked a hand through his hair and a frustrated breath escaped his mouth. The action was repeated except instead of exhaling loudly, he in haled this time. His tongue swiped over his lips, wetting them and he try to capture her eyes in his intense gaze. "Why?"

"We're going to be working together, which is hard enough considering what happened last time. Why complicate things even more?" It was supposed to sound rational, logical and in-control. But it had fallen from her lips desperate, chaotic and slightly hysterical.

"Déjà vu." He muttered with a bitter scowl and rolled his expressive eyes.

"What?"

"The first time I told you how I felt, you did the same thing." He scoffed with a derisive shake of his head. "Guess it's true what they say. The more things change, the more they stay the same."

"There's one difference though." She pointed out angrily. "This time, I don't have to try to build obstacles. They actually exist."

Confusion was painted on his face. "What do you need obstacles for?"

"Because I can't go back!" She nearly yelled the words, shoving wild locks of her hair out of her face. "I just can't!"

He closed the distance between them and gathered her resisting form into his arms. She swallowed thickly and tried to duck her head but he wouldn't let her, tilting her face back up toward his so their eyes could meet. "I don't want to go back either Trish."

She started at his admission, confused and shocked by the revelation. "What?" Then why did you tell me?"

"Darlin, I didn't tell you how I felt because I wanted to pick up where we left off." He expelled heavily. "Because we couldn't go back. We're not those people anymore and there's nothing but pain left there anyway."

"So why did you tell me?"

"I had to." Jeff admitted without the slightest hesitation. "Like you said, it's not going to be easy working together again. If it's going to work then we can't have any unsettled issues or lingering questions upsetting the balance."

It sounded logical. Hell it sounded perfect. But for some reason, she didn't believe that was the only reason he confessed his feelings. She wasn't sure that she wanted to call him on her suspicion though. Sometimes, it was better to accept what you wanted to hear rather than deal with the painful truth.

She extricated herself from his embrace and turned away, breathing heavily. They covered a lot of ground. Re-opened many emotional wounds. Relived the psychological scars. But hadn't really established anything.

"Trish," Jeff's tone was leery. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I was just…nothing." She finished lamely, pushing more errant locks of hair out of her face. "I just, uh, lost my train of thought."

"You sure?"

Her previous thought about accepting his answer at face value and letting the topic go suddenly seemed like a bad idea. One that in the long run would only cause them more pain. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage. "Is this really just about clearing the air so we'll be able to work together."

"Well, when you put it that way." He paused, obviously reconsidering what he said and the true meaning behind it. His eyes locked on hers and she saw the answer in them before he spoke. "No, that's not the only reason I told you that I'm still in love with you."


	22. Fighting Temptation

A shiver ran down Trish's spine and goose bumps rose on her arms at his admission. She studied him carefully, trying to gauge the emotion that was painted on his face and blazed in his eyes. It was familiar but she couldn't pinpoint it. Whatever it was, it caused her heart to beat a little faster. She raked a hand through her hair and cupped the back of her neck, averting her gaze.

"Why lie about it?" Jeff's question had an air of challenge to it, like he wanted her to try to come up with an excuse. But she didn't take the bait, so he continued. "I want you to know everything, to understand that even though I screwed up it wasn't because I didn't care."

She swallowed thickly and closed her eyes, mentally reprimanding herself. If she hadn't pushed then this conversation wouldn't be taking place. The smartest thing she could have done was accepted his lie at face value and let the subject drop. Then they could have moved onto an easier topic of conversation. One that didn't bring any pain roaring back to the surface. "I get it."

"No, you don't." His voice held such a strong conviction that her breath caught in her throat.

He was right though. She didn't get it. But to be honest, she didn't want to. Knowing why would do nothing more than give her questions. Or even worse possible outcome was that it would scare her.

"Life only gives you one great love." He pressed on, voice hoarse. "Do you know who that one great love was for me?"

The question was posed rhetorically, pointedly, practically daring her to respond. She knew that if she tried to give a phony answer, he'd correct her on it. Eyes still shut, she weakly shook her head. But she didn't know if she was denying knowing the answer or telling him not to say it.

"It was you Trish." His voice shook with barely suppressed emotion. "You were my one great one and I was stupid enough to let you go."

Hands grasped her shoulders and she squeezed her eyes shut tighter. Droplets of water escaped at the action but she ignored them. If she saw his handsome face, those hypnotic eyes or those lush full lips then she might crumble.

"I've spent the last three years living in a hell of my own making, knowing that the things I did made you hate me."

Her eyes snapped open at that. She scanned his face and saw the bitter, self-loathing etched into his gorgeous features. Knowing that he really thought that she was capable of hating him caused a stab of pain to shoot through her chest. There were a lot of things she felt toward him but hate was never one of them. Drawing in a deep breath, she shook her head again.

"Darlin' you don't have to deny it or took pity on me. If anyone has a right to hate me, it's you."

"I don't." She informed him in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "I never could."

His hands left her shoulders and cupped her face. The pad of his thumbs absently caressed the planes of her cheeks. "But you could never love me again."

A shudder ran through her petite frame, shaking her to her very core. An overly loud puff of air escaped her lips. He was staring at her hard, searching for confirmation of the fact on her face. But she knew that he wouldn't find any there because she didn't know the answer herself. Never did she let herself consider the possibility that someday she'd be faced with the option.

"Why would you? After the way I hurt you. Abused your trust. Couldn't tell you that I had a problem." He paused, dragging in a tremulous breath. "All I ever gave you was heartache and regret."

Her lips trembled as she gazed up at him. His eyes were so bleak and full of pain but also honest. The raw display of emotion rendered her speechless and a little breathless.

"You deserved so much more than that baby. I hate myself for not being man enough to give you it."

She reached up, covering the hand on her face with her own. Comfortingly, she stroked the back of his hand and gave him a sad smile. "Don't hate yourself."

"I do."

"You shouldn't."

"If you're only saying that because you're afraid that I might relapse because you tell me off, you don't have to be worried." He gave her a ghost of a smile, one that was tight with control. "No matter what, I'm determined that I'm not going to give into the cravings."

"I didn't say it because of that." She assured him, eyes locked on his. "I said it because I mean it. I don't want you to hate yourself. Especially over something that you couldn't control."

"I could've." He hissed. "But I was a stupid, stubborn asshole who was too proud to realize what he had become."

"At that point in your life, you couldn't control it. You were too far gone to have control over anything." She released him and shrugged at the look he gave her. "It doesn't even matter anymore. The past is the past. Unless you know how to build a time machine to go back and fix the mistakes you made, there's no sense in regretting or hating yourself for them. All you can do is learn from those mistakes and try not to repeat them."

He stared at her in disbelief, blinking. "W-what? How can you-"

"You're not the only one who made mistakes Jeff." She informed him flatly. "If I had been stronger, I would have confronted you about the things I saw and forced you to get the help you needed before the problem progressed."

"Trish, darlin', it wasn't your fault."

"I know that it wasn't all my fault." She let out a sigh weighted with emotion. "But I do have to shoulder some of the blame."

"You didn't know how bad things were." He persisted vehemently, "I did my best to hide it from you."

"Yeah, you tried to but I knew. Everyone did. I was just in denial about it and didn't want to believe it even though all the signs were right in front of me." A sad bitter chuckle punctuated that. "I tried to convince myself that everyone was blowing it out of proportion because I was afraid to face the reality of the situation."

"Honey no…"

"Deep down though, I knew how bad it was. I even researched rehab facilities in North Carolina and was going to talk to Matt about getting you help." She licked suddenly dry lips, "I've spent years wishing that I got the courage up and did it."

"Baby, even if you confronted me on it, I would've denied that I had an issue." He took her small hands in his. "Because I couldn't face the truth about myself then. Until I was able to, there was nothing anyone could've said or done that would've made me admit that I was a drug addict and get help."

She digested that, knowing that he was right. But it still came as a surprise. Because it forced her to realize that he had changed. The old Jeff, regardless of his age, still had an air of boyishness to him and walked away from situations that he didn't or couldn't deal with. But the Jeff that stood in front of her now was a man. He was wiser and more willing to accept responsibility for his actions and the consequences that came with them.

"So don't blame yourself," He squeezed her hands. It was a simple gesture, a comforting one. One that caused her entire body to tingle in response. "Because you don't deserve any."

Swallowing nervously, she tried to ignore the sudden pull she felt toward him at that moment. It was magnetic, powerful, compelling and hard to resist. She pulled her hands free of his and turned toward the window, trying desperately to block it out. Wrapping her arms around herself, she willed her strength to remain with her. To keep her from acting on what she felt and opening Pandora's box.

"Trish?"

That damn sweet southern drawl still affected her, sending a potent rush of desire through her body. She closed her eyes, breaths erratically tumbling over her parted lips as she allowed herself to remember the wicked things he'd whisper to her while they were in a secluded area of an arena. Crimson spread across her cheeks as she recalled the husky timbre of it as they made love.

"Darlin'," Concern was evident in his tone.

A hand touched her shoulder and she had to bite down on her lower lip to prevent a moan from escaping. Her nails dug into her arms as he accessed her, hoping against hope that he wouldn't recognize the hunger or need in her eyes. That he'd assume that the redness of her face was a reaction to the humidity in the room.

But his head tilted to the side, eyes widening slightly as he continued to probe her. He gulped audibly then licked his luscious lips. As if in a trance, he moved closer to her. With every inch of space lost between them, her breathing accelerated, puffing out her cheeks. His hands settled on her face and tilted it up toward his.

She almost whimpered. As his hand traveled from her face to her hair, pushing the silky fibers away from her face.

"Beautiful," He murmured almost helplessly, licking his lips once again.

Her eyes followed the swipe of his tongue across the lushness of his mouth. Every nerve in her body was hyper-alert, waiting for something to happen. His breath was coming quicker now, eyes beginning to glaze over. She opened her mouth to either stop him or plead for him to kiss her. But no words would form. She inhaled deeply and resigned herself to the fact that something was going to happen and she couldn't stop it.

"So beautiful," His hand slid through her tresses and cupped her neck. He inclined his head, resting his forehead against hers. "My beautiful darlin. My angel, my soul."

Trish's hands went to his chest but she didn't know if she was using them as a buffer or bracing herself for the kiss. Beneath her hand, his heart frantically pounded. Her eyes flew to his but couldn't capture the emerald pools because they were locked intently on her lips.

Jeff took a deep breath, his free arm lacing possessively around her trim waist. The hand on the base of her neck gently urged her forward. She couldn't fight it anymore, didn't really want to. Their lips met softly, a mere prelude to the passion that they were keeping in check. Slowly and skillfully, he tasted her lips. Lines of fire raced over her nerves and she moaned in submission.

She tiptoed up for leverage, applying more pressure to her lips as they wrapped around his. Her hand glided up his chest and wound around his neck, fingers tangling in his long dirty blonde locks. He groaned in response and tightened his embrace on her. His tongue swiped across her lips, seeking permission and her lips parted of their own accord, welcoming the sweet invasion.


	23. Passion Explodes

_Disclaimer: Warning, the following chapter would definitely be considered a mature chapter. Please do not read it if you are underage or offended by this sort of thing._ _Also I haven't written anything like this in years so I apologize in advance if this sucks._

* * *

Jeff's kiss was so familiar, powerful and skilled that it was impossible not to lose yourself in it. Every languid, sensual stroke of his tongue in her mouth sent shivers throughout Trish's body. Her fingers deftly wound more of those thick, wavy tresses around them as she clutched his neck more securely. He responded in earnest, pulling her lithe frame almost completely against his larger, domineering one. His knee slipped between her thighs, giving her added leverage and anchoring them.

Her breathless moan was swallowed down his throat as his large, strong hands cupped her backside and the knee slipped further between her legs as the last modicum of distance between them was erased. Chest flush against chest, both erratically heaving as the kiss turned from teasing to ravenous. Slow, testing flicks of the tongue and playful nipping exploded in an insistent, lust-filled battle for dominance. Lips explored without hesitation while hands groped and clutched to bring each other closer than humanly possible. Desire had captured them both but they were willingly drowning in the sweet waves.

It did feel like she was suffocating. Although the experience wasn't unpleasant. Despite the fact that her lungs burned with the need for air. Or that she was getting dizzy from lack of oxygen and her trembling legs were threatening to give out on her. But she refused to break the fiery, consuming lip lock. Because if she fainted or her lung imploded from the pleasure, she was perfectly fine with it.

His hands released her backside and lightly glided over her waist, leaving goose bumps in their wake. They came to rest on the hem of her shirt, toying with the flimsy material. The pads of his thumbs tickled her sides as he drew it along the edging of the tank top. Warm air caressed her already heated flesh of her stomach as he pushed the fabric away from it. He gently pulled her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking wantonly on the full, pouty appendage.

Her nails raked over the taut muscles in his shoulders as his tongue laves the tiny bit marks he had inflicted on the lush fullness. His lips reclaimed hers, roughly, passionately, immediately robbing her of what little breath she had been able to gather. She groaned as he shifted, his hand pushing her shirt further up, exposing the white lace bra beneath it. His palm gently skimmed the supple curve and a bolt of electricity shot through her at the simple action. He growled into her mouth as he repeated the maneuver, this time the center of his hand brushing her already hardened nipple.

He tore his lips away from hers, panting harshly as he cupped her lace-covered breast and drew tight circles around the tight bud beneath the scratchy material. His forehead came to rest against hers and she opened her eyes, looking into emerald eyes that were heavy-lidded and glazed over with need. She swallowed thickly, anticipation and nervousness coiling within her. Another swallow was forced down her thought as his tongue traced the curve of her lips, igniting a flame of longing so powerful that caused her to feel as if she was on fire.

"Do you like the shirt?" He rasped against her lips, his hands gathering up the fabric that rested just above her chest.

The shirt in question was a white wife beater that came in a package of three and cost about six dollars. There definitely wasn't any sentiment or importance attached to the garment. Unable to vocalize her answer, she shook her head. A gasp tumbled over her lips as he wasted no time, tearing the fabric in two and pulling the tattered remains off her body. His arm gripped her waist and pulled her against him once again, kissing her relentless.

She gripped his biceps, returning his fervor as best she could. Vaguely, she felt herself being lifted from the floor and wrapped her legs around him on instinct. Her back was pressed into a wall that was surprising cold as their mouths continued their passionate onslaught. His lips left her mouth, trailing over her chin and down her neck. Arching as he sucked the tender skin over her pulse point into his mouth, she instinctively gripped him tighter with her legs, wanting to be him inside her so she could always feel like she did at this moment.

His blunt teeth scrapped gently against the delicate, flawless flesh of her neck and her head fell back, allowing him unobstructed access to it. A breathy cry fell from her mouth as he pinned her tightly against the wall, his pelvis holding her in place. Her eyes devoured the sight of him as he leaned his torso back slightly and pulled his shirt over his head. The rich silver of his cross shone against his pale skin and she slowly licked her lips as he leaned into her again. He placed a soft, almost gentle kiss to her lips as his fingers flicked open the small, plastic clasp that rested in the valley between her breasts.

He slid the straps from her shoulders, intense gaze locked on her eyes as if in challenge. She quirked an eyebrow and arched away from the wall, dropping her arms to let the lacy scrap of fabric flutter uselessly to the floor. The feel of his skin against hers sent chills down her spine as she wound her arms around his neck. Pulling her away from the wall, he carried her to the bed. Slowly, he lowered them onto the plush mattress and strung kisses along her jawbone.

Her hands tangled in his hair as his mouth moved lower and he took her nipple into his eager mouth. She bit her lip to keep the loud moan trapped inside, not wanting to gain the attention of anyone else who might still be in the house. His hand caressed the side of her hip, disappearing beneath the leg of her shorts. She hissed; body bowing up to meet his as he lightly drew his nails along the skin. A shudder coursed through her as he turned his attention to her other nipple, immediately dragging his tongue across the aching tip.

Soft moans trickled out of her parted lips as he rocked against her, the denim of his jeans scratching the skin on the inside of her thighs. She rocked back against him, crying out when the fabric of their clothing once became an obstacle to receiving the delicious friction her body was so desperately craving.

From above her, Jeff growled and drew back from her. His fingers made quick work of the button and zipper on her shorts. He pushed up onto his knees and dragged the offending item down her legs and tossed them to the floor. Licking his lips at the white lace thing the shorts had concealed, one long, nail-polished finger stroked over the intricate design on the fabric. Her body jolted at the contact, the powerful need to have him right then taking her over.

Trish sat up, clumsily grabbing at his belt buckle and fumbling to get it off of him. He stilled her hands and looked down at her, lips curved in a sexy smirk. She loved that smirk. It always meant that he was about to take her body to heights it had never been to before. Lying back against the mattress, she watched him strip himself of the last of his clothing, shoving his jeans and boxers to the floor in a tangled heap.

He settled on top of her again, cupping her cheek and tilting her face up toward his. His lips closed the distance and took teasing sips from her mouth. She felt him against her, hard and ready, and wondered why he was tempering his own need when it should have been obvious to him that she was as ready as him. Using her knees, she pulled him closer to her and slipped a hand between their bodies.

There was the briefest knock on the door then it opened. "Hey Trish! You up ye….OH MY GOD!"


	24. Interruptus

_Sorry this took so long but I no longer have a computer so the only time I can work on my fics is when I'm over my parents house and whenI dowork on them, it'spiece by piece.. So I apologize if the flow is off or if this seems rushed. Hope you're still enjoying this._

* * *

It was ironic how Shannon Moore, a man she only knew in passing, had become the unwitting catalyst for many of the significant moments in her life. It had all started with him and that streak just continued to roll. Without his penchant for getting drunk and passing out in bathrooms, she would have never found out how Jeff felt. If he hadn't pulled a repeat performance last night, she would never have gotten hit in the head with a door and had the most important conversation of their relationship with Jeff. And if Shannon hadn't walked in on them and yelled, no one would have come bursting into the room as she and Jeff were frantically trying to put their clothes back on.

Trish stood there in Jeff's shirt, pressed tightly against his side, her face flaming in color as three astonished sets of eyes stared at them. She nervously twisted a lock of her hair around her finger and wished that the floor would open up and swallow her. Jeff was tense beside her, eyes locked on the people who had intruded on their passion. Every muscle in his body was coiled in some sort of anticipation, of what she had no idea. Her hand slid to his arm in an offer of support and restraint.

The silence stretched on for a few minutes and she took that opportunity to study the faces of the people who were probably as uncomfortable as she was. Ashley looked shocked but also contrite, like she regretted ever going to investigate the reason for the startled cry. Shannon looked embarrassed and sorry. He kept looking over them with an apologetic look, which made her not want to strangle him anymore. But when her eyes landed on Matt, she knew that this was not going to just be brushed aside.

The elder Hardy's face was pinched in anger and the look he had trained on his brother was not a nice one. It sharp, withering and narrowed. Like looking at Jeff made him sick to his stomach. His lips were pursed but when they parted, she braced herself for the inevitable tirade.

"I just have one question…" Matt glowered and shook his head. "Are you crazy? Taking advantage of Trish's head injury,"

Jeff grew even more rigid beside her and she had the idea that he was about to pounce on his brother for assuming that. She tightened her grip on him and found her voice. "Jeff would never take advantage of me or anyone else for that matter."

"When you try to seduce someone who was struck in the head and may have a concussion it is taking advantage of the situation." Matt informed her icily, glaring daggers at his younger brother. "Especially when the predator promised that they'd take care of her."

"Matt," Ashley expelled an overly loud breath, holding onto Matt in a similar manner as Trish was holding onto Jeff. "I think you should let them explain what was going on before you start rushing to judgment and saying things that you might regret later, you know, when you're not being an asshole."

"What could come out of my mouth that I'd regret? The fact that my brother continually does stupid, damaging things without thinking about the consequences. That he never listens and is either going to end up dead or in prison. " The older Hardy replied coldly.

"You know what, this is my fault for not knocking. I should never have just barged in then I wouldn't have walked in on…uh, Trish changing." Shannon interjected helpfully, stepping forward so that he was standing between the glowering men. "So let's just forget it happened and go eat breakfast."

Trish held out the slightest hope that his excuse would be believed and his suggestion would be taken up but that hope died when she felt Jeff shift his weight and saw the emerald death glare that he had trained on his older brother.

"What was happening in this room wasn't stupid, damaging or anyone else's business. It was between Trish and myself and would have stayed that way if Shannon hadn't just walked into an occupied room." Jeff's tone was a warning growl. "I really don't appreciate practically being accused of raping someone especially when the person doing the accusing has no idea what he's talking about."

Matt's eyebrow arched in a doubtful expression. "Tell me what I'm supposed to think when I walk into a bedroom and find my naked brother yanking his shirt over an equally naked Trish's head as she's grasping his pants for dear life."

"That there's a perfectly logical, reasonable explanation for what's taking place." Jeff shot back in a roar. "Not that I'm such a screw-up that I would ever even consider the notion of violating a woman."

"Why don't we go downstairs and talk about this rationally?" Ashley suggested, obviously trying to diffuse the tension. "Like say, with coffee and alcohol. I think that'll calm everyone down."

But much like Shannon's earlier suggestion, it was ignored as Matt stepped forward slightly, right into Shannon's outstretched hand. His gaze flickered in disgust over his brother's exposed torso. "So tell me what happened if there's a perfectly logical explanation for you both being naked."

Both of Trish's hands were now on Jeff's arm, tying to keep him from lunging at the other man. The muscles in his arms were corded and small, violent tremors raced beneath the skin. It was painfully obvious that Matt was about to get a dose of Jeff's rage unless she did something to stop the impending brawl. She opened her mouth to speak, to come clean about everything but Jeff spoke before she could.

"You know Matt, this is completely fucking pointless. No matter what anyone says you're going to believe what you want and since you always want to believe the worst about me, go ahead." He got his arm free of her grasp and shook his head, "But I don't have to stand here and listen to it anymore."

For a moment, she watched him storm away, completely devastated. But then she realized that he did the right thing and she should support him for it. Without further hesitation, Trish shook her head at her so called friends and followed behind the man who had just left with her head held high. She ignored her state of undress as she raced out of the house after him, frantically calling his name.

"Jeff! Jeff!"

He turned, emerald eyes still smoldering with malice, and sighed heavily. "Darlin' go back inside. You don't have any pants or shoes on and it's cool out."

"I don't care." She grasped his hands in hers, eyes locked on his.

"But I do."

"I know and that's why I'm not staying here." She explained softly, the pad of her thumb stroking the back of his hand tenderly. "I'm going with you."

"You don't have to." He sighed, his expression softening at her offer. "Baby, they're not mad at you…"

"I don't care about them. I have to go with you." She responded firmly, cutting him off and squeezing his hands in reassurance. "I want to be with you and we can't do that if you run away now."

"Why? If my own brother thinks that I'm so fucked up in the head that I'd stoop so low as to rape someone,"

She let go of one of his hands and brought her finger to his lush lips, halting whatever was about to escape his mouth. "Because I love you."

A shiver went through him at her announcement and she smiled at the awe-struck look on his face. "I loved you back then and I love you now. Nothing anyone says or thinks will ever change that."

"I don't deserve it." He whispered, cupping her cheeks. "You're too good for me darlin', always have been and always will be."

"Stop saying that!"

"Darlin', it's the truth."

"No it's not." Trish reiterated firmly. "Here's the truth. You and I are perfect for each other and that's all that matters. So let's stop bickering about this and go before the rest of them decide to come out here."

Jeff smirked and entwined his fingers with hers as he led her to his car. He opened the door and helped her in. After he shut the door, he turned and gave one last intense glare at his brother, who had come out onto his porch. When Matt looked away, he made his way around the car and got in.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked her, his tone almost pleading with her.

"I'm positive." She beamed up at him. "Now let's get the hell out of here. We still have a lot to talk about."


	25. Moment of Truth

Trish softly padded around the confines of Jeff's living room, waiting for him to either reappear or call her name. Once they got inside of the house, he insisted on making her something to eat. She had refused, her stomach tied up in knots over the situation that happened earlier. But he refused to accept her refusal. He informed her that even though he wasn't much of a cook, he could manage to fix them something that wouldn't give them food poisoning.

Her eyes swept over the place, observing the changes from the last time she had been there. The walls were no longer plain gray but a multicolored tapestry. His old, shabby giant gray sectional had been replaced by a soft, sleek, supple black leather one. Where there was once a cluttered wooden coffee table there was now an interesting black iron and glass concoction that only someone with his unique eye for design would ever consider putting in their home. Trademark disco balls, strobe lights and statues still littered the room but they were the only remnants from three years ago.

The changes should have made her feel out of place or reminds her that she didn't know him as well as she used to anymore. Instead the changes only made the place feel more like Jeff. Creative. Artistic. Unique. Interesting. Abstract. Like the house conveyed exactly who he was and had always been to the outside world. A gateway into the often speculated about man's mind and soul.

Her hand trailed over a painting on the wall that featured dark, haunting swirls and sharp, angular slashes of color. For some reason her throat closed up. It was such an odd reaction to have to a piece of canvas and paint but to her it felt painful and sad. She swallowed thickly, her finger tracing one of the bolder brush strokes and a tear slipped from her eye, cutting a hot path down her cheek.

"Trish, baby, food's ready." Jeff's gentle voice informed her, close behind her.

She gasped a little and spun around, hastily swiping at her cheek. "Sorry I was just caught up in this painting…"

"I noticed." He gave her a ghost of a smile. "I also noticed the reaction you had to it."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why but it felt so lonely to me. So lost." She shook her head slightly and let out a tremulous breath. "So full of pain."

"That about sums it up." His nod of confirmation was firm and took her hand in his; inclining his head toward the kitchen he just emerged from. "Come on darlin, you need to eat."

But she didn't let him pull her from the room, tugging him back toward her and lacing her fingers through his. "When did you paint this?"

"A long time ago." His thumb caressed the back of her hand but his emerald gaze never left hers.

"Why?"

"I had just made the biggest mistake of my life and lost the best thing that ever happened to me."

Her hand went to his chest, coming to rest above his heart. Beneath her palm she could feel the frantic rhythm and shook her head. "I never stopped thinking about you or wishing that I could go back and change things. All the pain I had, the confusion and hurt, I bottled it up because I couldn't accept the fact that it was over as fast as it started."

A muscle in his jaw twitched but he said nothing, letting her elaborate. "You had to go to save yourself, to find the man who was lost under the weight of the world. So you never really lost me. We were just misplaced."

"Misplaced." He repeated slowly. "Does that mean that you could love me again?"

He asked that question earlier and she told herself that she didn't know, never considered the possibility but now she realized that she had lied to herself. Not only today but also every other day for the past three years. Loving him again meant that she had stopped loving him before, which she hadn't.

"It's ok." His soft, melodic voice caught her attention and she focused on the lushness of his lips, noticing the lines of tension that edged them.

"Jeff," Her voice faltered because she was afraid of being vulnerable again. Scared that whatever they built would come crashing down on them again.

"If you can't give me an answer now, that's fine. I owe you time to figure things out."

Time was all she had for three long, lonely years. It didn't help. If anything, it made things murkier and distorted. Brought insecurities and doubts to the forefront. Created obstacles and boundaries.

Of course, there were things about taking this further that did give her pause for concern. Earlier he had admitted that being with her wasn't easy for him. It brought out the demons that he had to fight so hard to contain. They'd always be there, taunting him. An aspect of his life that he had to struggle to contain and not let overcome him.

_He failed before._

_The demons had won._

_It could very well happen again._

Yes, he had come so far and fought so hard to pull himself from the ashes of his life. But addiction was a slippery beast. Things start going wrong and suddenly you're back to square one. She didn't want to be his downfall. Didn't want to be the reason that Jeff Hardy was fired from the WWE or worse yet, ended up dead.

_They talked but nothing was clear._

_Things heated up but cooled down very quick._

_Fantasy was shattered by the harshness of reality._

She took a deep breath and steeled herself, knowing that the only way that there was any hope for them was to figure things out now. "Could you be with me and not give into the doubts, the insecurities that almost destroyed you before?"

He closed his eyes, "I can never promise you that I won't slip but I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to not to."

"But what if you do?"

"Then I start over again."

On the surface it sounded perfect, exactly what she needed to hear. Underneath it all, there was a little voice telling her that words were empty and promises were made to be broken. And it was right. Words were something he had a profound capability with; he could twist and turn them to make you think there wasn't anything wrong. When it came to keeping his promises, unfortunately, he was no better.

_After all, he once promised that he'd never hurt her and he had._

_Taken her heart and shattered it._

_So what would be different this time?_

"Trish, honey, I'm not going to lie and say that there aren't times that I wouldn't love to say fuck everything and just give into the craving. Because there are and there always will be."

He rushed on before she could say anything, obviously needing to finish. "But the difference between the man I was then and the man I am now is that I know how much I have to lose."

She wanted to believe him but years ago, she heard a similar speech so she was very cautious because of it. "You do?"

"I keep a running list of everything I've screwed up over the years in my head and it's a very long one." He confessed with a grimace. "But darlin, I'm trying to fix things. Trying to show that after everything that happened, I can change. That I'm not the same old stubborn, reckless boy who thought that he could do whatever he wanted, when he wanted and there'd be no consequences. I know now that there are and I deserved to suffer them."

There was such a strength and conviction in his voice that it caused her to shiver. These weren't just empty words. They were sincere. Honest. Real. This was something he intended to make good on, to prove that Jeff Hardy could be more than a case of wasted talent and the butt of junkie jokes.

To see him prove his numerous critics wrong would make her happy. The only thing that would make her happier would be to see him prove to himself that he was more than second best. That whenever something good happened to him, it wasn't a fluke or some kind of weird luck. To finally see him realize that he was so incredibly talented and special that he deserved to be happy.

But the question remained if he could still accomplish that if they got back together.

"And if I was by your side, that wouldn't change?" She asked again, needing to hear him say it before she could answer his question.

Jeff gave her that smile that stole her breath away and cupped her face, his eyes capturing hers with their intensity. "If you came back to me, I would finally be complete. I would have a reason to do my best because I never want to let you down again. And I wouldn't be stupid enough to take this second chance and throw it away over something that doesn't mean half as much to me as you do."

It was odd how he was able to break through her defenses, tear down all the self-preservation methods she had built up her entire life. But there was a saying that when it came to real love, you just had to fall and trust that the other person would be there to catch you before you hit the ground. She had fallen for him once and thought she hit the ground but looking at him, being devoured by those soulful green eyes, she realized that she hadn't hit ground. That everything they had went through, the obstacles, the doubts; the disastrous collapse had brought them to this moment.

The moment where she let herself go and trusted that Jeff would be there to catch her.

Trish took a deep breath and licked her overly dry lips before uttering the answer to the question he had asked her twice. "No, I couldn't love you again."


	26. Fear

**A.N: As I promised the people who sent me a pm, here's the next part. **

* * *

The anguish that twisted Jeff's face was momentary but it still caused her to reign in an unsteady breath and twist her fingers into the fabric of his shirt. He quickly covered it up with a look of grim acceptance. His multicolored head dipped in a curt nod and he exhaled sharply, "That's all right."

"Jeff, you don't understand…" Trish began but he cut her off hastily.

"I understand." His words came out in a jumbled rush. "After everything I did to you, I don't have the right to want a second chance."

"Jeff,"

"I admit it. I did let myself hope that when you said you loved me earlier that you meant it but deep down, I knew that the only reason you said it was because you thought I needed to hear it or because you were afraid to let me go off on my own because I'd do something crazy."

"I didn't,"

"You've always been too good to me and for me. I've never given you anything but heartache and questions." Regret burned in his intense emerald gaze. "I'll suffer for the rest of my life because of that."

"Don't." Her whisper was broken, pain touching the plea. "Please don't."

"No, darlin, it's ok." He offered her a smile but it was false and disappeared instantly. "I told you that you have a right to hate me, to never want to see me again and I meant it. I'll find a way to make sure that us working together again won't cause you any more pain or trouble. If it's the last thing I ever do…"

She put a finger to his lips, silencing the words she didn't want to hear. "I already told you that I don't hate you. I never could. Do you know why?"

He didn't try to answer around her protesting finger, opting instead to shake his head. His entrancing eyes were curious but guarded, not allowing himself to hope for anything.

"You don't realize how special you are." She informed him flatly. "From the first moment we met, I was captivated. You weren't like anyone I'd ever met and I wanted to get to know you better, to try and solve the mystery that was you."

His head tilted reflexively and she removed her finger from his lips, knowing that he wouldn't interrupt her.

"I thought about you all the time when we had days off, wondering what you were doing and if you…" Her voice trailed off, sudden fear replacing her resolve, and she looked down, not wanting him to read the vulnerability in her eyes.

"If I what?" He prompted breathlessly, forcing her to return her gaze to his gorgeous face.

"If you thought about me at all." She murmured and took a deep breath. "And if you did think of me, was it the same thing that everyone in the back thought of me."

"What was that?"

"That I was just another blonde bimbo with big breasts who wouldn't be anything more than eye candy and a cover girl for the magazine."

"Darlin," His voice was melodic and soft, almost lyrical. "I never saw you that way. To me, you were this gorgeous, intelligent, funny, brave woman who was trying her hardest to show people that you couldn't judge a book by it's cover. Who wasn't afraid to get in the ring and work her ass off to become better, even when she ended up bruised and broken."

She smiled, blinking back the rush of moisture his words had brought to her eyes. "Thank you but please let me get back to my point."

"Go on."

"I've always been very practical and rational. Guarded even. Everything I did, I always thought and planned out every aspect of it." She shrugged slightly. "When it came to falling in love, I planned to fall in love with a normal, conventional guy who worked a regular nine to five job. Wanted the whole idealized version of marriage and family because it was expected of me."

He said nothing but his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"You took me by surprise. I didn't realize that I had fallen in love with you when we first met. I was still unaware of it when you kissed me at your party." Her mouth had gone dry and she swallowed thickly. "That scared me."

"Why?"

"To me, love wasn't supposed to be consuming, confusing or impulsive. It was supposed to be simple, rational and logical. But when you kissed me that night, I felt something that I never felt before. Something that I believed only existed in the context of cheesy books and movies. Nothing about the emotions that kiss released fit into my world. It completely threw me." She licked her lips, smiling slightly. "And every time I tried to sit down and figure out how and if we could work, I only ended up more confused and consumed than when I started."

Her fingers twined a lock of his long, thick, silken hair around them. "I knew that if I allowed myself to accept the fact that I was in love in with you the world I built for myself; that safe, stable, planned existence would no longer exist. That by being with you, I was taking a leap into the unknown."

His face was troubled, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She told him sternly. "Because the night I stopped fighting the inevitable and gave into my emotions was the first time in my life that I ever truly felt alive. And I've never regretted it. Not even when things were bad. Not even when things ended so suddenly that I felt like I lost half myself."

"I'm sorry darlin," He shook his head, his expression self-loathing. "If I could go back in time and change things, I'd gladly pay any price."

"I don't want you to." She fiercely informed him. "The whole point of this conversation isn't to make you feel bad or hurt you. I need to explain why I can't love you again."

"Go on." He took a deep breath, steeling himself. "I can handle it."

"I can't love you again because that would mean that I stopped loving you to begin with. I never did because I never wanted to. Even when it felt like loving you would crush me. Or when it hurt so much I could barely breathe and wanted to curl up into a ball or die so I wouldn't have to feel it anymore." She heaved a sigh. "I just buried it. Ignored it. Pretended like it never existed. Went back to my old fail-safe of a planned, controlled existence. Rebuilt my walls and forced myself to keep going."

"Trish, baby, what does this all mean?" Jeff's voice was an odd mixture of fear and barely veiled hope. "Is this your chance at closure or is it the beginning of something else?"

"I don't want closure." She took a deep, heart-steadying breath. "I want there to be an us. I've never wanted anything more. But there's a part of me that's terrified."

He nodded slowly, his own breath tremulously falling over his parted his parted lips. "I understand that fear because I stand before you, paralyzed by it."

"What?"

"I'm not perfect. Far from it. Yet I keep pursuing perfection because I know that even though you're too good for me and I don't deserve you, I can't let you go." He smiled self-depreciatingly. "But for some unfathomable reason, you've chosen to give me a second chance and I'm scared to death that no matter what my intentions are, I'll find some way to screw up and blow it."

"You won't." saying those words aloud, she was suddenly sure of them. "We know what it's like to live without each other and speaking for myself, it was miserable."

"Miserable doesn't come close to summing up my life without you in it." He brushed a lock of stray hair from her face, his fingertips gently stroking over her cheek. "Bleak, pointless, abysmal are more fitting."

Trish wanted to let herself get swept away but she couldn't. That pragmatic side of her was urging her to bring the concerns she had to the forefront. With a shaky breath, she gave into the nagging. "In theory, this is perfect. But there are things we need to face."

"Like what?"

"We still have the issue of living in two separate countries. How is this going to work when we're off? Or does our relationship only pertain to on the road?"

"We're together, on and off the road." Jeff assured her, cupping her cheek. "And as for our living situations, I have a possible solution to it."

"Ok, what is it?"

He smiled, that breath-taking, beautiful, enchanting smile that made her knees quiver. "I think we've spent enough time apart. Too much damn time. We have a lot to make up for and I would like it if you'd move in with me."

"What?"

"Darlin, like I said, my life without you wasn't worth living and since the issue of us living in two different places has always been a thorn in your side then it's the best possible solution." He leaned his forehead against hers. "To wake up to you everyday, knowing that this was our house and not being afraid of you having to leave, would make me the happiest man on the face of this and any planet."

"But it's so fast…"

"It's not fast." He countered, grinning wildly at her apparent shock. "Given how long we've known each other and the fact that we're been together for three years,"

"No, we haven't."

"Darlin, we never officially broke up. So technically, we were still together but just separated by circumstances beyond our control." He raised an eyebrow in challenge of his logic. "And we've known each other for six years. So it makes perfect sense that after all that time together, we'd take this step."

Her head was spinning. It was all so overwhelming. But she wanted it even though her practical side was screaming at her to slow down. "Ok, I'll move in here."

His arms bound around her and his lips touched her forehead. "You won't be sorry. I promise you, I will never do anything to hurt you ever again."

"I know."

Then his lips were on hers, cutting off anything else she was going to say. All her worries and apprehension melted away with every languid, skilled movement of his mouth.

_This was real. _

_They belonged together. _

_It wouldn't be easy. _

_There'd be problems and arguments. _

_Moments of insanity and bliss. _

_They'd laugh, cry and yell._

In the end, the only thing that mattered was that they loved each other and that they kept fighting to make it work.

* * *

**That's it. Thank you for all the reviews, encouragement and interest. I hope you all enjoyed this.**


End file.
